I Still Can't Believe It

...someone says that your photos of Malta and Gozo are better than the ones from their own Tourist office? Not to toot my own horn or anything, but my friend/tour guide from Malta asked to use my shots on his website. Not bad for someone using a point-and-shoot camera and who is often accused of framing things in the center too much. The complete set is here if you'd like to browse. ...you get the week between Christmas and New Year's off work? I still have to check emails and respond to urgent ones, but it's likely few people will be in their offices to send me emails, so I'm looking forward to a Holy Week of Vegetation. ...it snows 8 inches? I may be alone in this, but I have to say, snow is an integral part of winter and I for one, am happy to see thick layers of sparkly whiteness covering foliage and fences in the yard. It's not so great for driving, but neither is bucket-dumping rain so I say, let it snow. ...shoveling your driveway is the most exercise you...

Not to be all bah humbuggy or anything, but I have to say December has been an exceptionally hard month and we haven't even made it to the extended family parts yet. My close family is the coolest collection of people I could ever hope to be a part of it's true, but the extended family can get a bit...contentious. I'm know for a fact I'm not alone in the feeling that Christmas and the holiday scene in general, is stressful. People are stressed this time of year and if you need any evidence of this, just try and tell me you've not noticed about 100x the amount of head-up-their-ass drivers on the road lately. For the most part, people suck at driving, it's true. But if there's been one little old lady driving 20 mph under the speed limit in the last week, there's been 52 of them in front of me and I don't even drive that much. But add to that an entire host of personal issues going on with my marriage, my job, and my mental health, and you've go...

I'm in the Minneapolis airport enjoying a Sam Adams and biding my time for leg numero dos of a three leg journey to Malta. STL to Minnesota to London Gatwick where we get our bags and re-check onto the Air Malta flight to our final destination. Sigh. And the only reason I can give this update is because I've forked over $9.95/month for the next three months for airport WIFI. Why did I buy this? Well, that's because when we landed, I tried to turn on my iPhone and when I switched from airplane mode to normal mode, it froze. And stayed frozen for an hour until I could get online and find out WTF was up and how the hell to reset the thing. Disaster narrowly averted, I tell you. I'm pretty sure my freak out would have been epic if my phone just up and died before I even left the country on a 9-day jaunt. It's not so much because I must be contact-able at all times. I was a late adopter of the cell phone and if I leave it at home for the day, it's not going...

Corn Dog did indeed try to kill me last night. She left her rubber chewy bone cleverly hidden on the stairs to the basement, about halfway down. You know how this ends, right? Yes, with me stepping squarely on the bone and slip sliding my way down half a flight of stairs. On my ass. And apparently on my wrist. My right wrist is super tender, sore and poppy now. As an old friend would say, Gooooooood Corn Dog. Tonight, Corn Dog has been faithfully barfing all over the house. First a nice liquid version over a shockingly large area of the rug in the family room and then a nice chunky version on the hard wood floor. Don't worry sister Jenn, she's just getting it out of her system before she comes to stay with you and her boyfriend Indy. Isn't that nice of her? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about leaving the dogs for another 10 days after just leaving them last week. It's not that I don't trust the people that are so kindly caring f...

While it's not quite as cool as blogging from the toilet , I am quite proud that I am typing this from my couch. I bought a wireless router, plugged it in, and like all of my experiences so far with the Beautiful Gleaming Laptop O'Mac, it just worked. And here I sit. Some wretchedly inane wedding dress reality show is on the TV. Oh wait, my legs aren't broken AND I have a remote. I guess that's the downside to couch writing. I haven't been much in the mood to write lately. Or, more accurately, I haven't been in the mood to do much at all lately. Except drink beer. The desire for the beer never wanes apparently. And if you're looking for a nice brown beer, I heartily suggest O'Dell's Levity Amber Ale . It's "Oh My!" good, I tell you. And the label seems so apropos: "Levity was named by our brewers partly for its light color - and partly for the way it just refuses to take itself too seriously. Hey, we could all use a litt...

...you look at the blog stats and even though you haven't posted in over two weeks, there's still some people checking the site? I'm impressed and humbled. Although it does appear as though a fair few of you are only here to see pictures of the John & Lorena Bobbit Halloween costume. (See what I did there? Search engine manipulation is FUN!) ...while looking at the blog stats, you check out what key words people are using to find the site and one of them is "pisschin". I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but some poor soul searched on it and ended up here. ...you have a personal crisis and your friends email, text and call to let you know they're there if you need to talk? I can hardly express my gratitude, even if I haven't taken many up on the offer. Just haven't had the desire to talk about it yet. But oh how I'll make you regret those words when I do. ...the underdog wins? I offer my heartfelt prayer to the baseball g...

View from my hotel room in Barcelona , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Sent from my iPhone

There is definitely a pattern around here. About two weeks before I leave town for a work trip, this place gets real, real quiet. The biggest reason for this that no matter how pretty and shiny this Mac looks, it's still a computer underneath and after playing at work for 50+ hours in front of a monitor, the last thing that excites me is sitting down in front of a computer. Stuff's been happening though and we've been busy here in Stinky Dog Land. For instance, did you know they sell clear wrapping paper? It's basically saran wrap and I ask the universe: WHY? Why oh why would anyone produce, package, market and sell clear wrapping paper? It defeats the entire purpose of wrapping paper. And why would anyone actually BUY clear wrapping paper? Well, I bought it thinking it was a silver foil type of wrapping paper because the buggers put some foil just around the cardboard tube so that it LOOKED like silver wrapping paper. I guess next time I'm going for the ...

...you spend an excruciatingly long week waiting for new debit cards and they finally arrive all shiny and new? That was seriously the longest week ever. ...the people that stole your stuff get caught red-handed? On camera in several locations (note to self: Taco Bell has cameras on the drive thru) and with the wallet, debit cards, credit card and $1200 cash from returning merchandise bought at Wal-IHateYouMart. ...the fancy Billabong wallet you bought Surfer Boy in Malta is recovered? He won't get it back until the prosecuting attorney releases it, but it isn't lost and that's good news. ...all the money they spent is returned to your accounts within the week? I'm pretty fucking happy about that one. ...you can finally concentrate on something else besides thievery?

Just when you think you're riding a high...life comes at you both barrels blazing. I'm still ril ril excited about the new technology parts, don't get me wrong. The iPhone is, how shall I put this?, fucking awesome. I haven't gotten my first bill yet. so there's still ample opportunity for AT&Torture to screw it up royally, but for real? There's just nothing like it out there. That I've seen. Shut up haters. And the Macbook, god love her. She's so pretty and clean. And boots up before you can say "Windows can suck it". And is just very un-Windowslike all around. So yeah, these technology parts are good for once. I'm not taking that for granted. But then I had to go and get some kind of sinus-y, stuffy, cold-y, move-to-my-lungs thingy on Saturday, only the nicest day of the year. And then Sunday, I got to remember what it's like to have hives in case I'd forgotten in the last blissfull month and a half without them. ...

I've gone and done it now. I am typing this entry on my shiny new Macbook. Just typing that sentence gives me goose bumps. I got it yesterday and since then, I've downloaded all of my music and photos and activated the iPhone. And everything has just worked. I plugged in the external hard drive and all of my stuff was there. I plugged in the ethernet cable and I had live tubes of Internet goodness. I plugged in my camera and poof - all my pictures were downloaded. I do have some issues though, coming from a PC world for so long. For instance, how exactly do you select all? I cannot figure it out. And what is "the finder"? It's in a lot of help question answers and I haven't a clue what it is. And I haven't yet figured out how to get my contacts from my old phone yet and having that before I start relying on this thing is pretty key. It's a pretty big deal for me to have bought this Bad Girl. I have a decision-making disorder when it comes...

...which means I steal lyrics, right? I heard that line in a 90's song (coincidentally, the one that I thought said "It's gettin, it's gettin, it's gettin kinda hectic" but I only now realize they're saying HEAVY, not hectic) and I can't figure out why you'd want to promote yourself as a lyrical thief. In other news, I've completely failed at maintaining the calm demeanor I worked so hard at cultivating during my voluntary solitude of just two short weeks ago. It promptly vanished like a fart in the wind upon my arrival at the office. I wonder if the Europeans have this problem after having been holidaying for two solid weeks in August. If any of you work with Europeans, you know that several companies pretty much clock out for the entire month - good luck getting an email reply or a returned phone call. Some get an entire MONTH off. Can you imagine? What does their inbox look like when they get back? I dread the thought considering I...

A co-worker of mine lives out in the country, in a neighboring county that is widely characterized by it's meth labs and backwoods-inspired attire of a majority of it's citizens. And I can see why she prefers it: a lake, a golf course, gated community to keep out the riff raff, that type of thing. But there are serious drawbacks, of which any one of them would be deal-breakers for me. Such as: The Commute: She drives easily 50 miles in traffic each way, every week day, through three counties. The Crazies: The crazy of the not-quite-rural-not-quite-urban folk should not be underestimated. Her interaction is generally limited to retail and restaurant encounters, and a common beginning to any of her stories is something along the lines of "When I stopped for gas the other day, this extra-creepy guy in a big truck ____________ (fill in the blank with something civilized people only do behind tightly shut and locked doors with the windows covered over with newspaper). Thi...

Dear Blog, I've been neglecting you and it's not okay. I feel terrible about it and there's just no excuse for it and I should be punished. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? I'm wholly committed to making this right and whatever you deem appropriate will be done without question or attitude. And you know how hard it is for me to leave out the attitude, that's really something, right? In my latest bout of indecision, I've still not removed the iPhone from it's package. That picture down there (that you had to look at for far too long, I agree) is still what it looks like, except that it's actually accumulated some dust from sitting on my dresser. I can't believe it either. I just can't decide whether to sell it or keep it. On one hand, it's a gadget-freak's dream and let's face it, it's slick. On the other hand, my computer, which would be required in order to sync it and get music on it from my iPod, likes to spit s...

I won this! , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .

It's raining here today. Good thing, too. Our yard was starting to look a bit parched. And by parched, I mean to say as dry as sandpaper and about the same consistency. To my father-in-law, Papa Surfer, rain is a novelty. His eyes were gleaming with excitement at the prospect of seeing rain while visiting us, as the place where he lives hasn't seen rain in 1.5 years. That's YEARS. I mean yeah, it's the desert and all, but holy hell. And another crazy part? Is the part where the desert from which he hails has over 120 golf courses. Fancy golf courses. And that area hasn't gotten rain in over a year and a half. The water waste that goes on to sustain those golf courses fries my eggs, frankly. Doesn't anyone else see the absurdity of golf courses in the desert? He says that in the summer, it's so hot there (he just left 112 F) that nobody in their right mind even plays golf during the summer. So they water all of those courses all summer long to ...

Tuesday is soccer night. Last week in a moment of drunken weakness, I said I'd play with another team tonight if they needed me. Well, they need me and it just so happens that their game is right before my own team's game. So back-to-backers. I give it about 15 minutes into the second game before my lungs revolt and go all code red on me. Surfer Boy's Dad will be in town for the next 10 days or so. They're talking like they're going to install an exterior door that will one day lead to our yet-to-be-purchased hot tub, and while I know they're both ridiculously handy and carpenterriffic, I just think there's going to be too much else going on for them to finish. I'm sorry to say this is a half-empty glass type of view since the last time Papa Surfer came out, they installed a new kitchen floor so there's absolutely no cause for me to be so pessimistic. Must be one of those days. Went to "The Lake" last weekend. I was beset with hives during ...

..."She's a Brick....HOUSE" plays on the radio? I know I sure do. One of my birthday cards from this year played that song. Also? Surfer Boy sang that song on stage in Colorado in one of his drunker moments. He wishes I'd forget that tidbit. ...you're trying to water the flowers, but the dog keeps standing right in front of the hose stream? Corn Dog was a wee bit hot yesterday and just wanted to be hosed down for a good five minutes. The flowers got nary a drop of life-sustaining water until Corn Dog was properly cooled down. ...the forecast for the weekend you're going to the lake is absolutely perfect? Hot enough to swim, but not so hot the lake will feel like bath water. ...the reason you can go to the lake is that your sweet, adorable cousin is watching the dogs? God love her. I hope they don't freak on her cats. ...the new Harry Potter movie is released? It's a bit slow-starting in my opinion, but once it got the momentum going, it was ...

Having Wednesday off was more than my feeble mind could handle apparently as I've been thinking it's Tuesday all day. What movie is this from? "I've got two words for you: Therapy." I can't for the life of me remember. Wedding Singer? A pint of Spicy Calamari Juice Cocktail to the winner of Name That Film Quote". So, I've said here before that this bloggy is an outlet for me. Other outlets include: therapist visits twice a month, soccer every Tuesday, and randomly beating my dogs*. Lately though, it seems that these outlets are insufficient for stress reduction as I've now broken out into hives three times in the last month. The first time was at the Piney. Yes, that bastion of peaceful observation of nature and drunken idiots does move the needle on the stressometer a bit because of the proliferation of poison ivy and my straight-up OCD aversion to getting it. I always carry anti-bacterial gel around with me the entire time I'm there...

"Shoulda known better than to cheat a friend, waste this chance that I've been given. Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool." I didn't karaoke with the mic or anything, but I was singing at the top of my lungs right along with the person that picked that song. I might have had a drink or ten by that point. This was in the bowling alley after I finished winning $20 off Surfer Boy for beating him two games in a row. He still owes me $10. The worst part is that fully two days later, that stupid song is still stuck in my head. Let me assure you: Careless Whisper is NOT a song you want stuck in your head for that long. This week has a lot going on. Not only will I be celebrating the birth of 'Merica on Wednesday with a good likelihood of second degree burns, but it's also me Mum's birthday on Tuesday. I'm going to the Cardinal game tonight and Wednesday night and playing racquetball in place of soccer tomorrow. I envision Th...

At least, not internationally, until October. Even if I wanted to I couldn't, since my passport is now officially full. This last trip cluttered it up with four stamps in London and two stamps from Malta, plus the one re-entry stamp in DC. I only had three empty spots before I left. I'm pretty damn glad to have this travel hiatus. The first half of this year has been pretty ridiculous with the amount of traveling - I didn't even unpack my toiletry kit between the last two trips and I found that a little depressing. Of course, I haven't yet unpacked the stupid toiletry kit yet from this trip, so maybe I was just depressed because of the sheer invincibility of my laziness. So now I must get caught up on all of the shit I've put off and delayed for the last six months. Namely, taxes and bills, but there's other stuff I've let slide - like staying in touch (and therefore on the good side) with my inlaws. I'd say I haven't been doing a very good jo...

Malta is.... , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Well, just see for yourself. This is the view from my hotel balcony.

Can you read the t-shirt? , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . i've been wanting to do a proper post to announce to the world (or better yet, all 4 readers that don't know) that I'm an aunt for the first time. This isn't that post. This is me bored out of my skull after sitting in this plane for the last 2.5 hours. Oh, and not actually flying. Nope. Just sitting here at my favourite airport in the whole, wide world. Fucking o'hare. But look! Look at the wee baby fingers! Look at the funny t-shirt! I'm so proud of my bro and his wife - congratulations! Would y'all care if this blog became all nephew pictures, all the time?

Surfer Boy has this list of things he says to me before I leave for my soccer game every Tuesday night. "Good luck baby. Have a good game. Don't hurt yourself. No bruises." Last night, he didn't go through the routine, so I'm totally blaming him for what happened. Stupid ball deflected, or was kicked, by my goalie, right into the bottom of my chin on the left side. It wasn't on purpose of course, she was just trying to block a really hard shot on goal - my face just happened to be only five feet away from her foot, so I had .00000004 seconds to react. Blam. The pain in my jaw made my eyes water, but the real fun started when I tried to close my jaw and couldn't bite down right at ALL. The jaw was totally displaced to the right and forward and no amount of trying was making my molars touch. And that was when panic set in. The thoughts as I remember them in order: Wow that hurts I can't freaking close my jaw- AHHHHH! How will I eat? I'm goin...

Two Mojitos S'il Vous Plait , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .

One travel nightmare...check. One lost luggage...check. Two extremely sore feet and legs...check. One stress diet with no appetite for the last 48 hours...check. Such is my life at the conference. I did receive my luggage at 6:20 am on Tuesday morning, so at least that part worked out. I had just gotten out of the shower and had used body lotion and conditioner as hair products, so when the porter knocked and brought my bag in, the first thing I did after kissing him and prostrating myself at his feet, was jump back in the shower to use my own hair products. Nothing will kill what little confidence I sometimes have at these events quicker than a big ball of frizz on top of my head. I am grateful for hair products. I'll have to tell the full horror story of the trip some other time, but suffice it to say that in the future, I will be avoiding American Airlines and Fucking O'Hare at all costs from now until eternity. If I never have to fly through Fucking O'Hare again, i...

I Fucking Hate O'Hare , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . This is where I "slept" last night. Long story short, our flight was delayed out of STL long enough to miss our connection and the later flight to montreal was delayed 3x until it was eventually cancelled.

On Sunday, I go to Montreal for work. By Thursday of next week, this bit of my work - this bit that has been sucking my soul dry for the last six months - will be over. I'm not as worried about it now as I have been, mostly because it's out of my control at this point, but it's been a source of constant angst for long enough. Right before these conferences that I go to, I usually go shopping for one piece of clothing that will make an old outfit new again. For this trip, I've been searching without luck for a jacket. Not a suit jacket really, because that's just not how I roll, yo. But just a regular, nicely tailored jacket that will get dressed up with the right shirt. Today I found the perfect jacket, but it was a size smaller than I'd usually even try on. I tried it on. It's just a wee bit tight in the arms, but otherwise - love it. I had the random thought "I could have my arms lipo'ed so it would fit better. But then I'd be gettin...

Like my new shoes? , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I love them. They make me wish I knew how to tap dance.

PIC-0052.jpg Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Flowers for you. Mandevilla flowers to be exact. From the plant I gave my Mom for Mother's Day.

My Giant Microbe Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . An early birthday present! Gotta love www.giantmicrobes.com

I miss Ren & Stimpy. That is all.

...but I'm not. It's ten-to-six and I still have two things I absolutely must get done before I can leave this god-forsaken computer alone for the 14 hours in between work days. So naturally, I'm here instead. I've developed some twitches lately. I've heard these come up as a result of stress and it's not like I haven't ever experienced a twitch, but never these body parts. Who's ever heard of a twitch in your ear lobe? Not really. My index finger on my right hand, my quad muscle on my left leg, my eye and my upper lip have taken turns twitching for extended periods over the last couple of weeks. They're minor irritations of course, but the index finger twitch is seriously affecting my typing and enjoyment of sitting at the keyboard for hours on end. I'll be sitting there with my fingers resting on the keys and out of nowhere, there's three J's out there on the screen from Sir Index Finger jumping up and down of its own accord. What's...

...someone compliments your hair? It's small victories like this that make it bearable when, say, someone has recently noticed and commented on the need for your highlights to be touched up. Harsh, I tell you. ...you get an email with the subject line "what say you, fuzzy britches" and it's not spam? ...you've been gifted two hotel nights when pretty much every hotel in an entire city is booked solid for the two nights you need lodging? The year I finally plan to stay in Montreal after the conference and see a bit outside of the convention center, the Grand Prix is in town and hotel rooms are a rare commodity. A business colleague "called in a marker" to get me a room in a city center hotel during the Grand Prix. I think I'm now indebted to the mafia, but I'd like to see them collect. I'm not afraid of the Montreal mob. Much. ...you see Dean Cain in the airport? I had to do a quadruple take, but I'm certain it was him. We were ...

Flowers of Congratulations Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . To my dear friends Anna y Jorge.

devon's birthday pie-off Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Back story: My youngest brother was 14 or 15 when one night another brother stopped by the house to see if Shorty D-Bone wanted to go to a party since Mom & Dad were out and SDB was home alone. Upon arrival to pick him up unannounced, SDB was not ready because, as he so succinctly stated, "What about my pie?". Turns out SDB, in a state of hunger so dire he'd barely avoided gnawing his hands off, had just popped a pie in the oven. Yeah, 15 and baking pies on a Saturday night. We were merciless in our ribbing once we all heard the story. And forever since. So this weekend was SDB's 18th birthday. Here in the states, he's now considered legal, but only because he can vote and be drafted. Still can't imbibe alcoholic beverages with impugnity, although don't tell the Piney that. So how does his loving family celebrate? With a pie baking contest of course. SDB was the judge and I'm...

My horoscope today said that "my insecurity has taken on a life of its own". That's comforting. Now I remember why I quit reading horoscopes. Although, I thought I was just making the title up with this reference to Saturn rising, but as it turns out, my astrological chart really does say that Saturn is my ascendant planet right now. I'm super fucking in tune with my planets, so just keep that in mind. It's my secret weapon. In other news, have you ever had that problem where you have absolutely so much going on and so much to do, that you find yourself unable to start and complete one simple task? Take for instance, a blog post. I must have started writing on four separate posts in the last week, yet you can easily see nothing new posted in that time frame. I'm guilting on the fact that I haven't posted in so long. Generally, I wouldn't care so much - at least not enough to feel guilty about it - but the wicked knowledge that there are a few hardy sou...

I'm off to London - quick trip this time. Just going for a one-day meeting, but somehow we're working in a dinner cruise on the Thames, so that should be fun/interesting. Since I'm not bringing my camera (have the cameraphone with me), I'm sure I'll see all sorts of cool shots. That's how it usually goes it seems like. All weekend I had my camera with me and whenever it wasn't literally in my hand, I had all kinds of ideas for shots. When I did have it, all I managed to take photos of were the river (moving F-A-S-T and coming up about an inch an hour at one point) and of the dogs (which I'm guessing everyone but me is sick of). Oh well. At least I didn't drop the camera on the concrete floor, like some people do at the Piney. Ride is here - back in a few days!

...I hate taxes with the fiery hot hate of the ant looking at a magnifying glass. ...I'm glad Kurt Vonnegut was a writer. His wit and unique worldview are immortalized in print and that makes me happy. ...I'm the oldest person I know that still gets an Easter basket from their mum. She even puts money in a plastic egg. She's such a softie. ...I think once the grandkids start popping out (not me, my sister-in-laws. don't freak out), my Easter basket getting days are over. ...I'm really sad my iPod got jacked up on my last work trip. The sound only comes through on one channel now and it's not the headphones - it's the jack in the iPod. Boo. ...Work sucks so bad it's actually funny. Not the hours I'm working, but the sheer amount of chaos is amusing. Silly work people. ...My fantasy baseball team is wank. I'll never win with that motley crew. ...I'll think of something actual to post over the weekend. Piney is rejuvenating like that.

Will that post title work to distract you from the long slog between posts that seems to have become the norm? If yes, awesome, you're my kind of distracted. If not, toughen up, there's an arduous journey ahead of you and you should really save your strength for something more important to worry about...like toe hair and nose grease. And since that last might have sounded like some kind of advice, please heed my warning to never ever EVER, under penalty of looking stupid, take my advice on anything. "What do I know" is a common disclaimer I add to the ends of sentences in real life. If you want to get into the semantics of it, what do any of us really know ? Nothing is a foregone conclusion - I mean, just ask Pluto. You go for years being considered an equal and then some squinty-eyed scientists decide to strip you of your very lifeblood - who will ever learn to care about a non-planet? I guess lately I have been fooled into complacency, thinking I know somethin...

I guess the more frequently you fly, the more opportunities there are for weird shit to happen. On the flight from Vienna to London, our plane "hit several birds" according to the cap'n. All I know is that shortly after takeoff, there was a loud thump after which proceeded a fairly noxious smell and the flight attendant getting up and looking at both engines, then getting on the horn to the cockpit. The cap'n's little speech also included the comforting "these engines are built to withstand such events, so we're proceeding as normal to our destination". I thought the whole flight after that point felt wonky...just kind of off. Then again I had basically only had a nap the previous night, instead of being a normal person and getting a full six or even seven hours of sleep before undertaking a marathon of taxis (1), airports (4) and planes (3) in the span of 15 or so hours. Right. Looking back, it seems like that was a recurring theme to this trip: get...

I just lost my post about the trip to Vienna. Am typing this so I don't continue with my preparations to commit Harry Caray on this mutha fucking computer. I'm buying a Mac and that is final. FUCK WINDOWS XP. I hate you with the burning hot hate of a million rivers of lava. LAVA!!!!! Carry on. Will have to update later on the trip. Once my brain can muster up something other than this string of invective currently overtaking all other thought.

At least, I'm hoping to get lost today during my walking tour of what is a stunning city. Across the street from my hotel is park where a famous Mozart statue and a famous Goethe (pronounced gerta, thanks JoySoy) statue live. The weather is ideal with mostly sunny skies and cool, but not cold. Magnolia trees, forsythia and any number of other early spring blooms pop out against the architecture. I can definitely see why Vienna is considered a romantic city. On the other hand, this keyboard has caused that last paragraph to take me about 10 minutes and now I must run to catch up with my sightseeing companions. Why must they put the z where the y is supposed to be? And none of the punctuation marks are in the right place. I guess they had to get creative in order to have these: Ä Ö ß § µ € °.

...you get a new phone? I am bursting with pride over my new little friend. It sings to me and she retrieves my email...I love it so. The only downside is that I'm bound to become one of those people pretending to pay attention in a conversation but am actually checking my emails on my phone. But, I'm breaking it in with the firm assertion that I WON'T become one of those people addicted to their email. I'm not that important and I don't ever want to be that important. ...you have a party and the cops are called because people are having too much fun for stodgy suburbia? The third (or was it fourth) annual Jamexican party had probably it's largest turnout ever (thanks in large part to Anna and her party coordination skills) and I think everyone had a jolly good time. By the time the cops showed up to let us know there had been "several" noise complaints from neighbors (which maybe? I have a hard time believing since two of our five neighbors wer...

Chicken feet salad. Yum!

Which means I'll just have to tell the rest of the story via pictures. The lake outside the Summer Palace. Just a short drive from Beijing city, it was raining proper by the time we arrived. The lake was pretty much invisible. But I really like how this picture turned out. It's not shot in B/W either. These are candied sweet potato fries. They were piping hot when they were served. You grabbed a few with the chopsticks and pulled them straight up off the pile. The little strings are like molten hard candy and once you have a lot of longevity (as evidenced by how high you could pull the fries up and still have candied webs), you dipped the fries in that little bowl of water next to Plate of Fiery Love in order to cool them off to just under the temperature of the sun and eat them. De-fucking-lish. A path outside the Temple of Heaven. I really love this picture. I wonder what those two were talking about. I wondered that a lot on this trip. Not being able to communicate makes me ...

On Friday, we went to the blah blah blah Jade "factory", then the Ming tombs, then the enamel "factory" then the Great Wall, and then finished off with blah blah blah Peking Duck. I think I peaked too soon with that ginormous post yesterday. It's true that the first day was a fucking whirlwind and I was cream crackered at 9:30 when we finally got back to the hotel. And day two was another day of Dead Emporer Sites galore. Can you believe I've only been back for three days and I'm already this jaded? Standby while I slap myself and then climb out of my Hole O' Pity. Right then. Where was I? Yes, day two in Beijing. The "factories" were government-owned shops where a girl (always a girl, lower to mid-20's) would rattle off a brief history of the intricacies of whichever factory we were at. At various points during the guided tour, we went to the jade factory, the enamel factory (where they make cloisonne trinkets and vases and jewe...

I'm going to start out by saying that I think everyone should try to travel internationally at least once in their lives. One of the things I really noticed on this trip was how much being in a foreign place makes you question your assumptions. Everyone knows assumptions are bad mmmkay, but that doesn't stop us from making them. But when you're someplace so far from home and so far from the culture you were raised in, the obvious doesn't seem so obvious. And questioning things keeps us alert and young and...I don't know...alive in a way? We (my boss, her husband and another co-worker) had a guide/translator and a driver. We paid $340 plus about $100 in tips for six days worth of driving and sight-seeing, as well as our lunch and dinner meals. Beijing is working on adding a lot of English signage at tourist sites and in common areas for the impending Olympics in 2008, but it's pretty much impossible to get around if you don't speak Mandarin. So, this was a go...

To those who haven't yet said "to hell with that blog and that bitch that never updates" you will be rewarded with photos (with titles and explanations! it's the time-consuming part) and posts about my recent trip to Beijing. Veddy, veddy soon. I even took notes while there so I would remember all the stuff I saw in order to share it here. I have officially become my grandmother. As for the mobile blogging experiment, well, I think you can tell how that went. The test worked and then my subsequent attempts at posting from the phone failed. I probably spent $16 in text messaging fees for posts that never showed up. I think I may have figured out the problem though and thank god too - I can't wait to see how the picture of the chicken feet salad turned out. Seriously. A salad with chicken feet as the main ingredient. I also tried to post from an Internet kiosk at the Hong Kong airport. The site was blocked though and the nice little pop-up said CDB was bloc...