I Still Can't Believe It

You get a wild hair to see if your old blog is still around and find it is, albeit severely neglected and woefully out of date.   You now get paid to write blog posts for companies and the experience gained from your little ol' personal blog is the reason you are comfortable even saying you can do that? The mean ol' black dog is still around as inspiration? She's much grayer and arguably more distinguished looking, but put a strange dog in her yard and she'll act like she's spry and angry that you dare be a dog in HER yard. You remember how much you enjoyed writing "Don't You Love it When" posts? Yes, I know it's a pittance of a post, but what's that saying about beggars and choosers?  Yeah, you'll get over it.  Especially since I give no guarantees that this won't be the last post for another five years.  No promises!  I like to keep my options open.  

...you get gifted the last batch of homegrown tomatoes? More specifically, Illinois award-winning tomatoes? I'll be making guacamole, salsa and hopefully a batch of tomato sauce I can share with my grandparents. Thanks Paul & Sally! ...you score a goal from just shy of midfield? I even managed a short bit of what's known as dribbling - a concept I just can't perform very well. But I keep trying and when it goes right, it's oh so gratifying. ...the Corn Dog lays her super soft head on your lap? Or when you just look her way and she wags her tail? She loves me, in spite of all of my shortcomings as a dog owner. We're a package deal: Two Chubby Beasts For One Low Price! ...you think the water heater has gone tits up only to find a simple push of the little red reset button fixes all? That lukewarm shower was nerve-wracking - how long since the last heating of the water? how much longer before it's straight up cold? how much will a new water heater cos...

...you hear a song that you're madly in love with but you don't know what it is and then you realize your phone can identify it for you? The app store is dangerously amazing. Shazam! (superfluous emphasis mine) is the app for which I have much affection. ...you find a recipe for the delicious pancake soup you had in Vienna and try to recreate it? I only barely scanned the online recipe and thus was unawares that the leftover pancakes I used were quite different than called for until they swelled when added to the broth and I ended up with glorified brothy pancake mush. I went back for seconds. ...that trip to Scotland you've tried to plan at least three previous times is finally booked and soon to be a reality? Fuck yeah-eah-eah! Oh em gee I'm beyond excited. ...the family gets together no less than three times in the span of four days? Including D-Minus home from school? Eating, bowling, drinking, game-playing, watching Dad play to the crowd at Rumple's, a...

...a once long-lost friend comes back into the fold of your life? Mr. FivePants, it was damn good to see you again. Don't be a stranger. ...your muscles ache from exertion? Sure, you might wince at every movement and going to the bathroom is an exercise in agony, but there's definitely the upside of not feeling quite as sedentary as usual. Of course, my exertion was trying to curve bowl and the only muscle that hurts is my right bicep, but you know what I mean. ...the softest dog in the whole world is cuddled up next to you when you're sad? Corn Dog's ears are like butta. Silky, smooth, butta. And she's so nice and warm. A big, warm, sausage-shaped ball of fuzz. It's like therapy only not as expensive. ...your friends show infinite patience as they try to explain, for the umpteenth time, why you shouldn't beat yourself up? My masochistic streak runneth over. I have been blessed with a style of self-deprecation that can suck up the last ray of suns...

...someone says that your photos of Malta and Gozo are better than the ones from their own Tourist office? Not to toot my own horn or anything, but my friend/tour guide from Malta asked to use my shots on his website. Not bad for someone using a point-and-shoot camera and who is often accused of framing things in the center too much. The complete set is here if you'd like to browse. ...you get the week between Christmas and New Year's off work? I still have to check emails and respond to urgent ones, but it's likely few people will be in their offices to send me emails, so I'm looking forward to a Holy Week of Vegetation. ...it snows 8 inches? I may be alone in this, but I have to say, snow is an integral part of winter and I for one, am happy to see thick layers of sparkly whiteness covering foliage and fences in the yard. It's not so great for driving, but neither is bucket-dumping rain so I say, let it snow. ...shoveling your driveway is the most exercise you...

...you look at the blog stats and even though you haven't posted in over two weeks, there's still some people checking the site? I'm impressed and humbled. Although it does appear as though a fair few of you are only here to see pictures of the John & Lorena Bobbit Halloween costume. (See what I did there? Search engine manipulation is FUN!) ...while looking at the blog stats, you check out what key words people are using to find the site and one of them is "pisschin". I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but some poor soul searched on it and ended up here. ...you have a personal crisis and your friends email, text and call to let you know they're there if you need to talk? I can hardly express my gratitude, even if I haven't taken many up on the offer. Just haven't had the desire to talk about it yet. But oh how I'll make you regret those words when I do. ...the underdog wins? I offer my heartfelt prayer to the baseball g...

...you spend an excruciatingly long week waiting for new debit cards and they finally arrive all shiny and new? That was seriously the longest week ever. ...the people that stole your stuff get caught red-handed? On camera in several locations (note to self: Taco Bell has cameras on the drive thru) and with the wallet, debit cards, credit card and $1200 cash from returning merchandise bought at Wal-IHateYouMart. ...the fancy Billabong wallet you bought Surfer Boy in Malta is recovered? He won't get it back until the prosecuting attorney releases it, but it isn't lost and that's good news. ...all the money they spent is returned to your accounts within the week? I'm pretty fucking happy about that one. ...you can finally concentrate on something else besides thievery?

..."She's a Brick....HOUSE" plays on the radio? I know I sure do. One of my birthday cards from this year played that song. Also? Surfer Boy sang that song on stage in Colorado in one of his drunker moments. He wishes I'd forget that tidbit. ...you're trying to water the flowers, but the dog keeps standing right in front of the hose stream? Corn Dog was a wee bit hot yesterday and just wanted to be hosed down for a good five minutes. The flowers got nary a drop of life-sustaining water until Corn Dog was properly cooled down. ...the forecast for the weekend you're going to the lake is absolutely perfect? Hot enough to swim, but not so hot the lake will feel like bath water. ...the reason you can go to the lake is that your sweet, adorable cousin is watching the dogs? God love her. I hope they don't freak on her cats. ...the new Harry Potter movie is released? It's a bit slow-starting in my opinion, but once it got the momentum going, it was ...

...someone compliments your hair? It's small victories like this that make it bearable when, say, someone has recently noticed and commented on the need for your highlights to be touched up. Harsh, I tell you. ...you get an email with the subject line "what say you, fuzzy britches" and it's not spam? ...you've been gifted two hotel nights when pretty much every hotel in an entire city is booked solid for the two nights you need lodging? The year I finally plan to stay in Montreal after the conference and see a bit outside of the convention center, the Grand Prix is in town and hotel rooms are a rare commodity. A business colleague "called in a marker" to get me a room in a city center hotel during the Grand Prix. I think I'm now indebted to the mafia, but I'd like to see them collect. I'm not afraid of the Montreal mob. Much. ...you see Dean Cain in the airport? I had to do a quadruple take, but I'm certain it was him. We were ...

...you get a new phone? I am bursting with pride over my new little friend. It sings to me and she retrieves my email...I love it so. The only downside is that I'm bound to become one of those people pretending to pay attention in a conversation but am actually checking my emails on my phone. But, I'm breaking it in with the firm assertion that I WON'T become one of those people addicted to their email. I'm not that important and I don't ever want to be that important. ...you have a party and the cops are called because people are having too much fun for stodgy suburbia? The third (or was it fourth) annual Jamexican party had probably it's largest turnout ever (thanks in large part to Anna and her party coordination skills) and I think everyone had a jolly good time. By the time the cops showed up to let us know there had been "several" noise complaints from neighbors (which maybe? I have a hard time believing since two of our five neighbors wer...

You win four soccer games in a row? Hell yeah. Of course, we're now jinxed and won't win again until Mars is in retrograde. And you KNOW that's a long time from now. You listen to music that makes you feel like you're in high school again? That's right...Justin Timberlake makes me want to put on my Catholic school uniform, ifyaknowwhatImean. Tease me, berate me, do what you must, but I do love that music. You're excited and nervous at the same time? Upcoming journeys have me all a-twitter. And by "a-twitter" I mean finding it hard to concentrate and constantly thinking about it. A business event (party) invitation says the dress is "Smart Casual". What does that mean??? All the stoplights turn green from one destination to another? It only happens when don't have anywhere to be by a certain time, granted, but it's still nice when it happens. You finally find a pair of jeans that fit the way you want them to? Can I just say that I ha...

...you get to bake cookies with three of the coolest women EVER? ...you get to sleep until 2 in the afternoon on a seriously and deliciously squishy bed? ...you pretty much never have to cook because your husband has decided cooking is the coolest thing since Converse Hi-Tops? ...the mountain of paper that sprouted over two years ago finally made it's way into nicely organized file folders with labels and everything? ...the entertainment center you got disgustingly cheap eight years ago looks like a million dollars with a new paint job and a little fabric? ...the online order of a freakin' kilo of Nag Champa comes in? Oh how I love the Champy. ...one of your Christmas gifts is tickets to six Cardinal's games in the SAME awesome seats you had this, the year of The Lord...THE World Series Championship? [cue the angels singing on that one!] ...being literal is the only thing flowing? Yeesh.