I Still Can't Believe It

Here's hoping we all have someone to play ball with in 2007.

I was reading my paternal grandmother's Life Story on Christmas. I didn't have time to read the whole thing without being labeled anti-social, which vexed me because I really wanted to keep reading once I started. I could get away with hiding from the family festivities when I was "at that age" of being an angst-riddled teenager, but apparently, I'm supposed to have grown out of that age. I'm a cranky DINK now, shouldn't that count? (And yes, I do see the irony of wanting to learn more about my grandma from a book than say, sitting down with her and having a conversation. I think my granddaughter of the year award just went to my cousin with the big hair.) Out of many many interesting parts, I keep going back to the part where she is talking about her first job after finishing beauty school and how she had two outfits - "One on my back and one that was probably in the laundry". I imagine my closet and how empty it would look with one outfit on a

...going to Amsterdam next month. This is a picture of the wall art in the funky apartment Surfer Boy and I stayed in when we went there a couple of years ago. This was the bedroom but we didn't sleep in it because the bed was seriously slanted downwards at the head. We tried putting cushions from the couch under the mattress but that was just plain uncomfortable. Actually, we couldn't decide if the bed was jacked or the floor of the apartment was the problem. We were on the third floor of a rickety little place. And it was in the prime part of town too. One night on our way back from the market, we walked by three guys in kilts. One pulled his kilt up and peed on the sidewalk. He didn't stop walking, mind you. Hell yeah. This time, I'll be staying in an apartment...that floats on the canal. Yeah, someone thinks this is a good idea, but I keep envisioning trying to get back on the boat while impaired. Because those are not canals I'd want to fall into.

The evening started like any other. I walked to my car after work and looked up to smile at the lazily dangling shoes. But then I sensed a glitch in the Matrix. What once was a wire covered in 18+ pairs of shoes (and alleged foil-wrapped vegetables) now exists as lonesome wires, indestinguishable from rest. The shoes are gone. Almost all of them. There are still the two original pair, but I think they only survived because they're on different wires than the ones that run along the alley and had accumulated such a nice array of sneakers. I'm a little sad about it too. The daily counting of the shoe pairs, the observation of the placement and the way they hung there so carelessly, are all over. The whimsy has been ripped out of my workday routine and it's a poorer routine for it. I mean, I understand that there was probably a serious fire hazard going on there and no amount of whimsy is worth losing some public property over. But come on! Our wires were fun and deco

Piss & vinegar? Shit? Just what am I full of at the holidays? Well, I'm full of reminders and to-dos, like: buy gifts for lovely family wrap gifts for awesome family mail gifts to kick-ass family that live out of state hang lights on exterior of our humble abode decorate the fabulous fake fir tree (ok, ok, so it's more like an unintentionally hilarious 21st century Charlie Brown-style tree send Christmas cards to stunningly beautiful family and friends Now that the jolly holly-day is less than a week away, I'm basking in the glow of the friendliness of strangers and whittling away my time doing good deeds and keeping up with the laundry. Right? [cue crazy insane cackling laughter] The above to-do list now looks something like this: get something for Mom. try as hard as possible to remember the 400,242 awesome gift ideas i've had for her throughout the year. Ask Surfer Boy to wrap all gifts. Call kick-ass out of state family members to wish them a Merry Christmas and

It's official: I'm going to Beijing. This trip will have many Firsts. For instance: First time needing a visa for entry to a country. One of the questions on the application form: "Purpose of your journey in China." Gooooooood question! To attain enlightenment? To mold a new vision of myself within the greater scheme of life and the world? To be a tourist? First time visiting a communist country. I went to Hong Kong last year, but that doesn't count as a communist country in my book. Why? Because. Don't ask so many questions. They don't like it when you ask so many questions. First time flying on a plane that has a dragon on it. Why does this excite me? It's called DragaonAir for pete's sake, of COURSE it'll have a dragon on it. First time visiting a place where it's pretty much required to enlist the services of a guide/translator because literally nobody there speaks the same language as I do. The prospect of this simult

...you get to bake cookies with three of the coolest women EVER? ...you get to sleep until 2 in the afternoon on a seriously and deliciously squishy bed? ...you pretty much never have to cook because your husband has decided cooking is the coolest thing since Converse Hi-Tops? ...the mountain of paper that sprouted over two years ago finally made it's way into nicely organized file folders with labels and everything? ...the entertainment center you got disgustingly cheap eight years ago looks like a million dollars with a new paint job and a little fabric? ...the online order of a freakin' kilo of Nag Champa comes in? Oh how I love the Champy. ...one of your Christmas gifts is tickets to six Cardinal's games in the SAME awesome seats you had this, the year of The Lord...THE World Series Championship? [cue the angels singing on that one!] ...being literal is the only thing flowing? Yeesh.