I Still Can't Believe It

If it wasn't for A Christmas Story, I'm not sure I could make it through this time of year. I mean, yeah of course I'm all jolly and smiley during the holidays, who isn't? Oh, wait...that's right, I sometimes have to force it. But when ACS is on the telly, no force is necessary. So so many good lines. A smattering of some of my favorites: I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. (this happens to me all of the time) Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl. (there's always one relative like this, isn't there?) He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. (Profanity! Not just for the holidays) Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf. (Amen) Oh I hate the smell of tapioca. (Can I get anoth...

Piss & vinegar? Shit? Just what am I full of at the holidays? Well, I'm full of reminders and to-dos, like: buy gifts for lovely family wrap gifts for awesome family mail gifts to kick-ass family that live out of state hang lights on exterior of our humble abode decorate the fabulous fake fir tree (ok, ok, so it's more like an unintentionally hilarious 21st century Charlie Brown-style tree send Christmas cards to stunningly beautiful family and friends Now that the jolly holly-day is less than a week away, I'm basking in the glow of the friendliness of strangers and whittling away my time doing good deeds and keeping up with the laundry. Right? [cue crazy insane cackling laughter] The above to-do list now looks something like this: get something for Mom. try as hard as possible to remember the 400,242 awesome gift ideas i've had for her throughout the year. Ask Surfer Boy to wrap all gifts. Call kick-ass out of state family members to wish them a Merry Christmas and...