I Still Can't Believe It

I've been otherwise silent on social media about the whole MeToo movement and the reasons I tell myself are because my parents and family would see it and I don't want them to worry.  If I'm being honest with myself, it's probably more because I worry they'd look at me differently with the knowledge I'm about to expose to the Internet. Yes, the Internet: the cruelest, most hurtful anonymous place in the universe. I don't get it either but there is something compelling me to do this and do it right now before I lose the gumption. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school from K-12.  It was an experience that scarred me in many ways, but mostly in terms of self image, self respect and self awareness.  My first memories of sex ed are from fourth grade.  The teachers separated the girls and the boys and my fourth grade teacher showed us drawings of uteruses and penises.  They weren't lifelike drawings - more like blueprint, cross-sections.  She als...

Obviously, I'm a complete cliché. How can I seriously sit here and tell you "I can't believe an entire year has gone by!" when every SINGLE person says how fast time goes watching your children grow. I knew full well that first year was going to be a blur and because of that, I tried to be in the moment and choose to spend time with The Biscuit every chance I got. I guess what still managed to surprise me was that even with that knowledge, it still seems like there were things I missed and shouldn't have. Dude is still knocking down one or two firsts a day and it's not like I'm spending a lot of time worrying about what I missed, but damn it if I don't wish I could go back to that day I wasn't patient with his fussing and let him sit there crying while I went in the other room and cried too. I'd tell myself to breathe, let it go, I love you, don't be too hard on yourself and I'd tell Biscuit that he's allowed to be grumpy and I love...

Apparently, I just can't be "light" and witty anymore. It would probably behoove me to try and rediscover that whole part, but everything seems heavy. I am tired of doing nothing and yet, I still don't want to do anything. Boil it all down and I'm straight up scared. I ask myself "What's the worst that could happen?" and usually can't come up with anything good enough to legitimately hold myself back from whatever I'm afraid of at that moment. And still I manage to talk myself out of (or into, depending on the situation) taking action. I'd never thought I'd say this, but I need to make some action items for myself and fucking get something done already. At this time last year, life seemed so promising. This year I'm stuck in a vortex of suck and self-loathing. I miss my dog. I miss intimacy and affection. I miss my paycheck. I miss the excitement of trying new things. I want all of those things back in my life, so why c...

I still struggle with what to write here. 2008 verily sucked. Sure there were some moments I'll recall with fondness, but I'm going to have to go with Strongly Disagree if the question is "Would you classify 2008 as a good year?". From one nasty habit to another. I'm trying to quit smoking and I'm not using any medical or OTC aids...yet. But I've taken to sleeping on the couch - the busted out, drooping in the middle monstrosity and it's not doing much for my back health or my emotional well-being. I bought a pretty fancy mattress in September but for some reason, it's just not doing it for me. Part of the reason definitely has to do with how cold my bedroom is but sadly, that's only half the story. The other half is certainly the part where sleeping in it alone is deflating. And Corn Dog just isn't the bastion of warmth and affection I need her to be. I wonder if Cesar Milan could help me train her to be a better co-sleeper. Mayb...

We're more than halfway through November in the Year of Our Lord 2008. It's been one helluva year in the Land o' Corn Dogs. It's no secret that I've been going through a lot of peaks and valleys in my personal life and this year will definitely not fade from the memory banks any time soon. It's good practice for not passing judgment and just looking at it like a passive observer, when you have times like this past year. At least that's what I tell myself on a regular basis. It's a coping mechanism, I think. So it's been hard to put anything - time, thought, personal stuff, humor, pictures - on this page for quite some time. But I think I might be into it again. Let me check. Oh yeah, I'm doing it right now. I've got all kinds of ideas for the next "Don't You Love it When..." post. I really want to get that exercise back into my routine. Such good therapy for self-pity spirals.

I have an admission to make, of which I'm woefully ashamed. Every time the movie Ghost Ship comes on TV, I watch it. If you haven't seen it, don't be surprised because it's not a very good movie. I guess the attraction is seeing the cast killed off in various spectacularly gruesome ways. And the ending is, well, the ending is bad like Mad Dog 20/20 when you're 15 - you don't want to drink it, but it's the only thing around and you've invested too much to turn back now. Recently, I had this conversation with someone, I believe my SIL, and she said the movie she always watched was Deep Blue Sea . In retrospect, maybe she wasn't exactly ashamed about watching it, but I felt those same dirty, i'll-never-get-these-two-hours-back feelings as from Ghost Ship. What fantastic fake sharks you have! I guess the truth about why I didn't appreciate DBS was because Karl Urban is in Ghost Ship and I find him dreamy but also like watching him die w...

This is a perfect description of how I feel at work pretty much every day. And this is pretty much how I feel about national politics. If you click on the image, it takes you to a pretty hysterically bad quiz about the differences between Bush & McCain. If you do well in the first two rounds, you get a quiz seeing if you can tell the difference between McCain and a partially rotten vegetable. DISCLAIMER: I'm an independant, which I believe means I think for myself - this may seem like a diss on the Republicans, but if you substitute any of the other candidates names on that banner, it applies just as well. Not trying to get into a political debate with anyone. Even though I haven't been traveling for work much in the last month, I've managed to stay wicked busy, mostly with the planning and preparation for being a bridesmaid in Anna's wedding last weekend. For anyone not in the know, Anna is a friend from high school who married another of my friends from high scho...

While it's not quite as cool as blogging from the toilet , I am quite proud that I am typing this from my couch. I bought a wireless router, plugged it in, and like all of my experiences so far with the Beautiful Gleaming Laptop O'Mac, it just worked. And here I sit. Some wretchedly inane wedding dress reality show is on the TV. Oh wait, my legs aren't broken AND I have a remote. I guess that's the downside to couch writing. I haven't been much in the mood to write lately. Or, more accurately, I haven't been in the mood to do much at all lately. Except drink beer. The desire for the beer never wanes apparently. And if you're looking for a nice brown beer, I heartily suggest O'Dell's Levity Amber Ale . It's "Oh My!" good, I tell you. And the label seems so apropos: "Levity was named by our brewers partly for its light color - and partly for the way it just refuses to take itself too seriously. Hey, we could all use a litt...