Stage Fright? Who? Me?

I have a raging case of stage fright. Earlier this year at the big tradeshow in Montreal, one of the security guys asked me to make an announcement to the exhibit hall because some dumbshit parked their van in a tow away zone. All I had to do was speak into the microphone. No one would even have been able to see me give the announcement, so for all intents and purposes, there was no stage to be afraid of, right? Yeah. I went over to the microphone, tapped it to make sure it was on, but when I opened my mouth to speak all that came out was a tiny little squeak. My heart was pounding and my vision was blurring. It's what I would guess a panic attack feels like. All because I had to speak into a microphone! How lame.

So imagine my mortification this weekend when I went up on stage for a costume contest. I was physically pushed through the throng of onlookers to meet up with Surfer Boy (who had already registered himself as a solo because I could NOT be convinced to go up there with him, even though it was a couples costume) and be issued a number for filing up on stage and doing your little routine to convince the judges that we, yes, we John & Lorena Bobbit, should be winners of the $1000 prize for the best costume. I seriously thought I might be physically ill right before we went up on stage. But, I perservered and tried to act as Lorena-y as I could wearing nothing but pajamas and one of those eye-patch-so-you-can-sleep things on my head. I really regretted spending less than 2 minutes getting my costume prepared.

We didn't win. But I still hate you J.A.M....it's all your fault I had nightmares all weekend about being on stage for that whole 2 minutes.

Comments

me said…
Anything I can do to help.
Monday, October 30, 2006
JP said…
You've just got to go with the F**K IT moments, they've enabled me to have some of the best laughs of my life. Admittedly my F**K IT moments usually involve cliffs, high speed and large amounts of pain but sure it applies to any situation. Stop thinking and dive in, you'll love it!
Monday, October 30, 2006
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