I'm Pretty Sure the Holidays Suck
Not to be all bah humbuggy or anything, but I have to say December has been an exceptionally hard month and we haven't even made it to the extended family parts yet. My close family is the coolest collection of people I could ever hope to be a part of it's true, but the extended family can get a bit...contentious.
I'm know for a fact I'm not alone in the feeling that Christmas and the holiday scene in general, is stressful. People are stressed this time of year and if you need any evidence of this, just try and tell me you've not noticed about 100x the amount of head-up-their-ass drivers on the road lately. For the most part, people suck at driving, it's true. But if there's been one little old lady driving 20 mph under the speed limit in the last week, there's been 52 of them in front of me and I don't even drive that much.
But add to that an entire host of personal issues going on with my marriage, my job, and my mental health, and you've got a recipe for capital C-Razy. I'm lucky enough to be in a position to be able to pay someone to talk to and I tell you what, I'm a total advocate for talk therapy. I've been seeing my therapist for a little over a year and a half and I've never needed it more than I have this month. It's the little things she tells me and reminds me of that make all the difference in the world. Last week, she told me to ask for help from my friends and family when I needed it and even though it's something I might know intrinsically already, it was well-timed advice and I was glad to have it at the forefront of my mind when the shit really hit the fan.
I like the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock (maybe it's mostly because of Viggo, but so what). There's a part when she's in rehab where she has to wear a sign that says "Confront me if I don't ask for help". Sometimes I might know I need help, but there's something that holds me back from asking people that could provide that very help - maybe it's pride or shame or guilt, I can't really say I know - but when she told me to ask for help, I felt like I had that sign around my own neck and I knew what I had to do. And you know what? It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done, if for no other reason than I found an even deeper love and appreciation for those in my life that are willing and able to be there for me when I needed them.
Now, my extended family can push the limits of any sane human beings' composure and grace but I don't think they're in any way different than any other family in that respect. Show me a perfect family and I'll never believe there's not a whole 'nother level of crazy bubbling under the surface. But that's not what is important and I have to remind myself of this constantly. What IS important is that warts and all, they're MY family and in the grand scheme of things, they're MY kind of crazy.
I really don't want to give off a "woe is me" vibe. Not here and not in my daily life. Everyone's life is hard in some way - I don't think anyone gets off easy. The face we put on for the world isn't always a mirror of what's going on inside our hearts and minds. But, putting positivity Out There is something I believe in and it's a relatively new belief so sometimes it can be trying. And when Life just isn't playing fair, as it's wont to do especially during the holidays, it's especially hard. So, just after this post, you'll find a new "Don't You Love it When..." post. Because I want the last thing for anyone to read after a fairly prolonged absence, is a collection of positive thoughts. I'm not saying it'll be the last post of '07 since I'm off work next week and I'll be a total git if I don't post again between now and then, but if it is, I want it to have a positive spin. Because that's what I have to give myself - what we all have to give ourselves...something positive and useful from every situation, no matter how trying.
I'm know for a fact I'm not alone in the feeling that Christmas and the holiday scene in general, is stressful. People are stressed this time of year and if you need any evidence of this, just try and tell me you've not noticed about 100x the amount of head-up-their-ass drivers on the road lately. For the most part, people suck at driving, it's true. But if there's been one little old lady driving 20 mph under the speed limit in the last week, there's been 52 of them in front of me and I don't even drive that much.
But add to that an entire host of personal issues going on with my marriage, my job, and my mental health, and you've got a recipe for capital C-Razy. I'm lucky enough to be in a position to be able to pay someone to talk to and I tell you what, I'm a total advocate for talk therapy. I've been seeing my therapist for a little over a year and a half and I've never needed it more than I have this month. It's the little things she tells me and reminds me of that make all the difference in the world. Last week, she told me to ask for help from my friends and family when I needed it and even though it's something I might know intrinsically already, it was well-timed advice and I was glad to have it at the forefront of my mind when the shit really hit the fan.
I like the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock (maybe it's mostly because of Viggo, but so what). There's a part when she's in rehab where she has to wear a sign that says "Confront me if I don't ask for help". Sometimes I might know I need help, but there's something that holds me back from asking people that could provide that very help - maybe it's pride or shame or guilt, I can't really say I know - but when she told me to ask for help, I felt like I had that sign around my own neck and I knew what I had to do. And you know what? It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done, if for no other reason than I found an even deeper love and appreciation for those in my life that are willing and able to be there for me when I needed them.
Now, my extended family can push the limits of any sane human beings' composure and grace but I don't think they're in any way different than any other family in that respect. Show me a perfect family and I'll never believe there's not a whole 'nother level of crazy bubbling under the surface. But that's not what is important and I have to remind myself of this constantly. What IS important is that warts and all, they're MY family and in the grand scheme of things, they're MY kind of crazy.
I really don't want to give off a "woe is me" vibe. Not here and not in my daily life. Everyone's life is hard in some way - I don't think anyone gets off easy. The face we put on for the world isn't always a mirror of what's going on inside our hearts and minds. But, putting positivity Out There is something I believe in and it's a relatively new belief so sometimes it can be trying. And when Life just isn't playing fair, as it's wont to do especially during the holidays, it's especially hard. So, just after this post, you'll find a new "Don't You Love it When..." post. Because I want the last thing for anyone to read after a fairly prolonged absence, is a collection of positive thoughts. I'm not saying it'll be the last post of '07 since I'm off work next week and I'll be a total git if I don't post again between now and then, but if it is, I want it to have a positive spin. Because that's what I have to give myself - what we all have to give ourselves...something positive and useful from every situation, no matter how trying.
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and i'm here, as always...i'll even answer the phone if you call! :)