I Still Can't Believe It

A few weeks ago I was talking to Jenners (a.k.a. Seester-in-law, married to the brother I commonly refer to as Big Thirsty or Big Hungry but that's beside the point) about our hypothetical kids' diaries and whether or not we would read said diary if we knew about it. I said I would read my kids' diary (note the use of future tense here. As in no kids as yet. And no, none on the way. I feel the need to explain. Am fighting the urge). Jenners was a little mortified. It was one of those responses where you blurt honestly and then wish you had thought about it for just one more millisecond before you opened your yapper - and not because you don't want to be honest but you might want to couch the honest answer with a caveat or warning of mass generalization on the way and because you agree that that response was entirely revolting and NOT what you expected yourself to say. And you know, a good run-on sentence is part of the beauty of blogs...just try to stop me. So yeah, th...

Most people that know me probably think I don't spend much time on my hair. It's curly. It's brown. It doesn't have much style other than curly. It usually just kinda hangs there. And how do I achieve this attention-grabbing 'do? You wouldn't believe it, but I actually use all of these products each time after I wash my hair: *New! Biolage something or another leave-in deal. Spritz on, pick through. Dove curl cream. *New! Matrix liquid gel for curls Biosilk Frizz Ease Dream Curls And sometimes, one or more of the above can be substituted with: Frizz Ease gel Biolage Cream Wax Frizz Ease Curl Perfector I spend a lot of money on hair products and for what? For this mop? Sometimes I think about what life would be like after some kind of nuclear disaster or something where this cush little life I live was totally morphed into a Little House on the Prairie type of existence. I go through the thoughts about how there'd be no oil (cutting grass with a sc...

So aside from the one time this weekend I tried to post but Blogger was down for "scheduled maintenance" I have no excuses for the lag time between posts. What I've been doing since last Tuesday: Buying bronzer. Do you realize how many types of bronzer there are out there? Cardinals game. Cards v. Cubs, installment # 5 of the season. Cardinals won. How sad am I that Derek Lee wasn't in the Cubbies' lineup? Why, not sad in the least. And to the Cubs fan lady that sat in front of us, I say "bite me". Your fake fingernails were stupid, just like your pathetic dirty looks. Trying to figure out what to wear to the christening this weekend. Gah, I hate clothes shopping in this town. Cleaning up barf. Cassady and I both puked Friday night. Too bad I never trained him to take care of that business in the toilet like me. Instead? He opted for the carpet in front of the washing machine. Super! Rearranging the Pine Room. We got some couches from my ...

oompa Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . This little guy has been on my desktop since about Halloween. For some reason, this picture just makes me bust a smile in even the crankiest of moods. I really wish I had a dog like that and had thought of this costume and could take credit for it. But alas, I have no one to give credit to for this pic - a friend sent it to me via email. So if the owner of this picture sees this, I totally would give you credit if I knew who you be. Anyway, I have a song that performs the same function as this picture - Eine Kleine Nachtmusick by Mozart. Every time I hear it, I must smile. What song/picture/quote makes you smile no matter your mood?

I'm new to this whole tagging thing, but I'll give it a shot. Six things about me that are weird: I have webbed feet but I cut the webbing when I was young so no one can tell. [Edited to add: This is a complete falsehood. My real #1 weird thing is probably that I was conceived in Germany because my Dad hid my Mom's birth control pills] I bruise at the drop of a hat. And the hat doesn't even need to touch me - just land in the vicinity of my flesh. [Edited to add: This one is 100% true] My mom offered to "have my ears fixed" for my 14th birthday. And by fixed, she meant surgically modified so they don't stick out like satellite dishes attached to my head. [Edited to add: This one is more or less true. I don't remember which birthday this was for but I recall that I would have had to have the procedure done at the beginning of summer and the recovery would take a while so that I would be blowing half of my summer inside and that was the deal-breaker.] I...

Why do I care if I sound like I'm whining or complaining? I'm sitting here thinking of things to write OTHER than how worn and tattered I feel because I don't want to sound like I'm whining. I know other people live a lot harder lives and I know I've got it good, but that doesn't make me want to moan and groan about my lot in life any less. So, if you know I've got it way better than you and don't want to listen to me whine about dumb stuff (like life), it's best if you navigate away from this page....NOW. You've been warned. Work is kicking my ass this week. That's not so bad - it's the part where it's not going to stop kicking my ass until the middle of May sometime. I have completely too much to do for too many people and if I'm already freaking out, the next few weeks when the stress ramps up by like 10000% are going to leave a mark. A deep mark. All the way through to my soul maybe. And I just did taxes. So I know how...

A collage from my trip to the new Busch Stadium yesterday. Now, you might think from my Friday Fuck It rant about the Cardinals ownership that I wouldn't want to patronize them. That's not the case. I fucking love the Cardinals team and going to games. The ownership can't kill the part where baseball is an integral part of summertime in St. Lou. I really hope that the new stadium won't be as much of a clusterfuck as I think it's going to be. Of course there will be an adjustment period where no one will know where to go or how to get where they want to be. But there seemed to be an awful lot of places where traffic could bottleneck. Here's to hoping it doesn't suck. And what do y'all think of the collage thing? Love it or hate it, let me know. Me? I kinda love it.

Where to begin...just so many choices. To the St. Louis Cardinal team ownership: You suck. You threatened to move the team across the river when the state balked at paying for a new stadium. Then, you got your new stadium, sold everything out of the old stadium from the urinals to the bricks to the gum scraped off the bottom of the seats and made a fortune. And then? Then you decreased payroll and raised ticket prices so that now Cardinals tickets are more expensive than any other team's tickets except for TWO (the Boston Red Sux and the Chicago Cunts, I mean Cubs). Oh, and let's not forget how you alienated a huge fan base by switching from a 50,000 watt radio station to a 5,000 watt station - basically going from a bullhorn to a can on a string contraption. Thanks for showing your appreciation to the best fans in baseball. Fuckos. To the wind: Hey, how about NOT blowing giant traffic barrels into our lane while we're doing 55 mph? What do you think? And next time we drive...

I've been thinking about bruises a lot lately. That could be because of the enormous, hideously-colored bruise I have on my left butt cheek right now. How did this happen you ask? Thanks for asking. And no, I won't show you. So Sunday we got back from the Piney and I was heading downstairs to get some laundry going. We dirty up a lot of stuff at the Piney, so after washing the dogs, laundry is priority numero uno upon our return. Right, so heading downstairs to the laundry...the stairs aren't carpeted or anything, just plain ol' wooden stairs. Turns out Corn Dog had left her rubber bone at the top of the stairs and I didn't see it sitting there perched at the top step. I took one step to make my 13 stair descent, stepped on the bone and my feet were no longer underneath me. I only fell about three or four stairs down and it could have been a lot worse. But my bum took the brunt of it and I have the seriously BLACK bruise to show for it. As an old friend would say ...

collage Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I was rebuffed this weekend - they said I had no frame of reference in my pictures to show how big the fire was. But you know? I wasn't really as fascinated as everyone else with the SIZE of the fire. I just love how it morphs and changes and looks cool. If I could have a fire in my family room, I wonder if it would make me watch less TV. I didn't miss TV for one single moment this weekend and it was glorious. But. I'm weak. And I love love love The Sopranos. And Deadwood. And - oh never mind. You get the picture.

I really didn't mean for it to be so long between posts again. We went to the Piney this weekend, so that's the excuse for no weekend posts. I had every intention of posting last night but Charter conspired to fuck that all up with the Internet going out periodically (and losing HBO intermittently too - bastards. Don't they know how preciousssssss my HBO is to me?). I realized that there hasn't been a picture of this blog's namesake in quite some time. How could that happen? Corn Dog represents what the blog needs more of: love. I'm getting soft in my old age. Mentally soft, ok? I mean, come on. Look at this: