In Memoriam
Warning: Kinda heavy post. In case the title didn't give it away...
On this day in 1989, my friend Melissa died. Maybe we weren't the best of friends earlier on that particular day, or even maybe a couple of months before this day. A boy she liked had asked me to a dance and even though I knew she liked him, I said yes. We weren't as tight after that. And who knows, maybe with a little more time, she would have forgiven me fully and it would have been like the good ol' days back in grade school. And here's where I learned how hard it is to avoid living with regrets. It seems like the stupidest thing to regret, but I regret saying yes to Jerry whatever-his-name-was when he asked me to that dance. I felt bad as soon as I said yes and when I told Melissa, who wasn't known for her mild demeanor, I knew from the reaction that it would take awhile before our relationship healed from my digression.
Friends have squabbles and get really pissed off at each other. Friends do things to each other they wouldn't do to anyone else, but in most cases, you get to make amends. But the part that really kills even to this day is that Melissa had been my friend when I felt like I had no friends. I'll never forget the day in fourth grade when she came to my rescue on the playground. It wasn't anything really violent she rescued me from - it was loneliness and isolation. And I never really thanked her for that. Instead, in a rush of insecurity and selfishness, I crushed a little dream of hers.
Could be one of the little reasons why I hated high school so much, no?
I still find myself fighting insecurity and selfishness. On a daily basis. But on this day every year (at least), I try to remember that what they say about making sure people you love know it is really important. And sometimes it takes a little self-respect and humility to let some people know you do love them. It's worth it.
On this day in 1989, my friend Melissa died. Maybe we weren't the best of friends earlier on that particular day, or even maybe a couple of months before this day. A boy she liked had asked me to a dance and even though I knew she liked him, I said yes. We weren't as tight after that. And who knows, maybe with a little more time, she would have forgiven me fully and it would have been like the good ol' days back in grade school. And here's where I learned how hard it is to avoid living with regrets. It seems like the stupidest thing to regret, but I regret saying yes to Jerry whatever-his-name-was when he asked me to that dance. I felt bad as soon as I said yes and when I told Melissa, who wasn't known for her mild demeanor, I knew from the reaction that it would take awhile before our relationship healed from my digression.
Friends have squabbles and get really pissed off at each other. Friends do things to each other they wouldn't do to anyone else, but in most cases, you get to make amends. But the part that really kills even to this day is that Melissa had been my friend when I felt like I had no friends. I'll never forget the day in fourth grade when she came to my rescue on the playground. It wasn't anything really violent she rescued me from - it was loneliness and isolation. And I never really thanked her for that. Instead, in a rush of insecurity and selfishness, I crushed a little dream of hers.
Could be one of the little reasons why I hated high school so much, no?
I still find myself fighting insecurity and selfishness. On a daily basis. But on this day every year (at least), I try to remember that what they say about making sure people you love know it is really important. And sometimes it takes a little self-respect and humility to let some people know you do love them. It's worth it.
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