I Still Can't Believe It

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Happy Year of the Boar from Macau. I arrived last night at about 7:30 pm, which was about 9:30 am Friday at home. I left my house at 4:15 am on Thursday, so for any mathematically challenged out there, that means I was en route for 29 hours. Which, let me tell you, was about as much fun as I can take. It really wasn't that bad of a journey, although the leg from St. Louis to Chicago for some reason really had me anxious. Maybe it was the part where we started doing circles in the sky about 30 minutes into a 45 minute flight. Just flying around in circles over Illinois. The long haul part was uneventful, for which I'm eternally grateful. We took the same route as we did last year when I made this trip, which is to say, straight north from Chicago, over the North Pole and then straight south over Russia, Mongolia, China and then finally landed in Hong Kong. Things I saw during the flight (amongst other things I won't share out of love for you, my dear reader...things ...

And it's been happening under my nose. Literally. I made an appointment to get regular maintenance on my car. After arriving at the shop, I was cleaning up some loose papers, mostly receipts that were around in the car and there was a folded newspaper. As I pulled the newspaper out from between the seats, a newspaper that hadn't been there more than a week, a fluttering of newspaper bits went all over the floor. Hmm . Weird. So I unfold the newspaper and that's when I see the first knock-me-on-the-head-I'm-an-oblivious-bastard clue that something is terribly wrong - not with my car, but with it's inhabitants. A few months ago, I spilled some coffee on the little in-between the seats console. I grabbed some napkins out of the glove box and in the midst of sopping up the spill, I notice that the napkins are all frayed on the edge. I figure they got caught in the latch. A few weeks after that, I was on the street outside my house, where SB usually parks and noticed thi...

I'm conflicted. Should I post about my love for spuds or how burned out I am on work? Such a toss up, I'm sure you can see how this dilemma is not easily solved. See, on the one hand, my love for potatoes is deeper and more meaningful than any mundane work-related issue and I could speak poetically about the tuber at length. But on the other hand, the very real and almost tangible drain on my psyche that's occurring in large part because of job-related blahblah is a contributing factor in why I haven't been able to muster up the energy to write much of late. Mmmmmm. Taters. I kind of feel like Bubba from Forrest Gump about le pomme de terres. I can eat them fried, stewed, skewered, boiled, broiled or baked. Add them to any dish and I'll pretty much guarantee I'll eat it. Starchy little nuggets of love, that's what I call potatoes. I love me some fucking po-tay-toes. These are the thoughts that get me through the day. These and thoughts of the reveng...

When did I become such a cold-weather wuss? My brain is numbed just thinking about going outside. My fingers, they are so wretchedly frozen that it has taken me 8.2 minutes just to type the word wretchedly. Even the back of my arms are cold. It could very well be the first time I've noticed my arms have back sides. My arm's arse is cold, if you will. I tell you, the windows behind my desk might as well be made out of cellophane. It would come in really handy to have the super power to start engines from afar right now. I'd be everyone in Missouri's best friend. And now my brain is numbed by this fatuous post. And yours probably is too. You can thank me some other time - right now I'm otherwise engaged in a game of wits with a dust bunny.

Sometimes traveling can be relatively pain-free and smooth. Other times, well, not so much. I probably shouldn't complain too much as I did eventually make it everywhere I needed to go, including back home last night. So, I'll put more in "The Good" section than "The Bad" section and that will qualify as not complaining. The Good (as in Hindsight is My Friend): On both long haul flights between Chicago and London I managed to have a row of three seats to myself. If you've ever experienced this, you know that it's a million times more comfortable than being on a packed flight, but is still far from what anyone would consider "comfortable", unless you're lucky enough to have no nerve endings. Or need for blood circulation. My luggage was with me for the most important leg of the trip. I know it's just STUFF, but I can honestly say I wanted that stuff badly. Travel Cassady and Travel Corn Dog were in there! I got to spend three days...

So, I wrote a list of all the weird shit that happened in the last few days. Aside from the weather, which coincidentally is the root cause of the craziness. We got hit with another lovely ice storm that coated everything with about three-quarters of an inch of ice. I haven't uploaded the pictures yet, but will soon. Soonish, how 'bout? Here's the list I hand-wrote because we had no power from Friday around 10:30 pm until Monday around 5:00 pm. I showered by candlelight with the last of the hot water we'd have for a few days. That was Friday night. The next shower was Sunday night . Not quite as bad as camping, thankfully. Just a few short weeks ago for Christmas, we got a hand-crank radio, an LED flashlight on a tripod, and a battery-powered reading light for the bedroom. All of these items proved vital to our sanity and safety. The radio also had TV station reception so we could listen to FOX. I wasn't complaining. Surfer Boy came less than three feet away from h...

You win four soccer games in a row? Hell yeah. Of course, we're now jinxed and won't win again until Mars is in retrograde. And you KNOW that's a long time from now. You listen to music that makes you feel like you're in high school again? That's right...Justin Timberlake makes me want to put on my Catholic school uniform, ifyaknowwhatImean. Tease me, berate me, do what you must, but I do love that music. You're excited and nervous at the same time? Upcoming journeys have me all a-twitter. And by "a-twitter" I mean finding it hard to concentrate and constantly thinking about it. A business event (party) invitation says the dress is "Smart Casual". What does that mean??? All the stoplights turn green from one destination to another? It only happens when don't have anywhere to be by a certain time, granted, but it's still nice when it happens. You finally find a pair of jeans that fit the way you want them to? Can I just say that I ha...

I have a ginormous digital camera. See, I bought it because of floppy disk storage feature (because I'm a total idiot and knew less than nothing about digital cameras) and this feature requires the size of the camera to be ludicrous. So, I'm looking at random Flickr pictures one day and I come across this Camera Toss group. It's just what it sounds like - people throw their camera into the air while taking a picture and hopefully catch it to retrieve the images. This is one from my first camera tossing excursion. It's a picture of some Christmas lights in my parents yard. The camera only ended up on the ground twice, so I consider this a success. The Ginormous Sony lives to toss again!

When Surfer Boy and I were in California a couple of months ago, we spent time with one of his old high school friends. This mate is now a working artist and I think his portfolio is amazing and the piece pictured was one of my favorites. I also saw this piece up-close-and-personal in his kitchen - the picture of this one just doesn't do the wood justice as the grain and finish are so elegant and the lighting on the trilobyte things is perfect. And then, out of nowhere, he GAVE us a piece! It is in the same series as this piece , but no two pieces of his are exactly the same, so ours is a one-of-a-kind. Also? It's the "Dreamer" series and that is so bloody perfect for Surfer Boy - that's exactly what he is.

Here's hoping we all have someone to play ball with in 2007.

I was reading my paternal grandmother's Life Story on Christmas. I didn't have time to read the whole thing without being labeled anti-social, which vexed me because I really wanted to keep reading once I started. I could get away with hiding from the family festivities when I was "at that age" of being an angst-riddled teenager, but apparently, I'm supposed to have grown out of that age. I'm a cranky DINK now, shouldn't that count? (And yes, I do see the irony of wanting to learn more about my grandma from a book than say, sitting down with her and having a conversation. I think my granddaughter of the year award just went to my cousin with the big hair.) Out of many many interesting parts, I keep going back to the part where she is talking about her first job after finishing beauty school and how she had two outfits - "One on my back and one that was probably in the laundry". I imagine my closet and how empty it would look with one outfit on a ...

...going to Amsterdam next month. This is a picture of the wall art in the funky apartment Surfer Boy and I stayed in when we went there a couple of years ago. This was the bedroom but we didn't sleep in it because the bed was seriously slanted downwards at the head. We tried putting cushions from the couch under the mattress but that was just plain uncomfortable. Actually, we couldn't decide if the bed was jacked or the floor of the apartment was the problem. We were on the third floor of a rickety little place. And it was in the prime part of town too. One night on our way back from the market, we walked by three guys in kilts. One pulled his kilt up and peed on the sidewalk. He didn't stop walking, mind you. Hell yeah. This time, I'll be staying in an apartment...that floats on the canal. Yeah, someone thinks this is a good idea, but I keep envisioning trying to get back on the boat while impaired. Because those are not canals I'd want to fall into. ...

The evening started like any other. I walked to my car after work and looked up to smile at the lazily dangling shoes. But then I sensed a glitch in the Matrix. What once was a wire covered in 18+ pairs of shoes (and alleged foil-wrapped vegetables) now exists as lonesome wires, indestinguishable from rest. The shoes are gone. Almost all of them. There are still the two original pair, but I think they only survived because they're on different wires than the ones that run along the alley and had accumulated such a nice array of sneakers. I'm a little sad about it too. The daily counting of the shoe pairs, the observation of the placement and the way they hung there so carelessly, are all over. The whimsy has been ripped out of my workday routine and it's a poorer routine for it. I mean, I understand that there was probably a serious fire hazard going on there and no amount of whimsy is worth losing some public property over. But come on! Our wires were fun and deco...

Piss & vinegar? Shit? Just what am I full of at the holidays? Well, I'm full of reminders and to-dos, like: buy gifts for lovely family wrap gifts for awesome family mail gifts to kick-ass family that live out of state hang lights on exterior of our humble abode decorate the fabulous fake fir tree (ok, ok, so it's more like an unintentionally hilarious 21st century Charlie Brown-style tree send Christmas cards to stunningly beautiful family and friends Now that the jolly holly-day is less than a week away, I'm basking in the glow of the friendliness of strangers and whittling away my time doing good deeds and keeping up with the laundry. Right? [cue crazy insane cackling laughter] The above to-do list now looks something like this: get something for Mom. try as hard as possible to remember the 400,242 awesome gift ideas i've had for her throughout the year. Ask Surfer Boy to wrap all gifts. Call kick-ass out of state family members to wish them a Merry Christmas and...

It's official: I'm going to Beijing. This trip will have many Firsts. For instance: First time needing a visa for entry to a country. One of the questions on the application form: "Purpose of your journey in China." Gooooooood question! To attain enlightenment? To mold a new vision of myself within the greater scheme of life and the world? To be a tourist? First time visiting a communist country. I went to Hong Kong last year, but that doesn't count as a communist country in my book. Why? Because. Don't ask so many questions. They don't like it when you ask so many questions. First time flying on a plane that has a dragon on it. Why does this excite me? It's called DragaonAir for pete's sake, of COURSE it'll have a dragon on it. First time visiting a place where it's pretty much required to enlist the services of a guide/translator because literally nobody there speaks the same language as I do. The prospect of this simult...

...you get to bake cookies with three of the coolest women EVER? ...you get to sleep until 2 in the afternoon on a seriously and deliciously squishy bed? ...you pretty much never have to cook because your husband has decided cooking is the coolest thing since Converse Hi-Tops? ...the mountain of paper that sprouted over two years ago finally made it's way into nicely organized file folders with labels and everything? ...the entertainment center you got disgustingly cheap eight years ago looks like a million dollars with a new paint job and a little fabric? ...the online order of a freakin' kilo of Nag Champa comes in? Oh how I love the Champy. ...one of your Christmas gifts is tickets to six Cardinal's games in the SAME awesome seats you had this, the year of The Lord...THE World Series Championship? [cue the angels singing on that one!] ...being literal is the only thing flowing? Yeesh.

 

There are now 16 pairs of shoes and one pair of what I think are baked potatoes (probably pre-baked is more accurate) hanging from the electrical wires behind my work. And another observation I made is that they all appear to be men's shoes. Or very large women's hightops. Cassady is one step away from complete incontinence. Yesterday, he only made it two steps out the back door before dropping his load off on the patio. Super. While some bloggers posted every day during the month of November, I went the opposite route and only posted 4 times including this one. I'm contrary like that. Christmas presents bought = 1. So, yes, I'm doomed to repeat the traumatic holiday harassment that is shopping anytime in December. Went to Tar-J on Sunday reminding Surfer Boy and myself that we must not think of ourselves, but of the dear people we want to buy gifts for...and then promptly spent a small fortune on such treasures as anti-fungal foot cream and a rice cooker. There was no ...

Dexter, a puppy Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, says Happy Thanksgiving! To you! And you over there! And hey, you too! And that guy in the back! And w00t, I'd never forget YOU! Lick lick lick. This is my co-workers dog. He likes the Showtime series by the same name. I don't get Showtime, but he's described it to me in depth. It's got a guy (David from Six Feet Under) who is a blood spatter expert with the forensics dept. by day and by night, he's a serial killer who only kills bad guys. Now, when I named my dog, I wanted him to be a good car dog so I thought of someone who was really into being in cars and I came up with Neal Cassady : The Guy That Drove The Bus For The Merry Pranksters, amongst other things. And it worked too - Cassady traveled with me to Chicago numerous times for Dead shows, California, Colorado (with KEEEM), all over Missouri, Utah, Oregon, Nevada, ad nauseum. I wonder if Dexter will stalk around the house at night looking for offen...