I Still Can't Believe It

My splurge , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .

Ahh, the start of a new year. I can see why people feel the need to make resolutions as there's just something about that calendar change that evokes a feeling of anything's possible. Like, sure, it's possible I'll stick to a diet or, it's possible I'll really and truly quit smoking this year, and it's even possible I will stop picking my nose. And whether it's pure cynicism or a mixture of that with a side order of negativity, I didn't make any resolutions. I can't actually remember the last time I tried. Might have been that ill-advised resolution to stomp on the gas at yellow lights that resulted in the only accident I've had in a few years...can't be sure though. Some resolutions I considered: Quit smoking. This one is too tired and it's never worked. I still want to quit, but if I can't just do it, I can't do it at all. I'm gonna do it, but it won't be because of some throwaway resolution. Don't t...

Comic Life of Piney Dogs , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I'm still slowly discovering fun things on the Mac. Like this program, Comic Life. I made this one in about 15 seconds and it was the first one I made, which goes to show how frighteningly easy it is to use. I'm dedicating this to Sister Jenn, who wasn't able to join us for NYE festivities last night due to a raging case of herpes. Ok, it was really pneumonia (allegedly). Hoping this makes you smile no matter how poopy you're feeling. Don't forget to eat your black eyed peas today for prosperity throughout 2008!

...someone says that your photos of Malta and Gozo are better than the ones from their own Tourist office? Not to toot my own horn or anything, but my friend/tour guide from Malta asked to use my shots on his website. Not bad for someone using a point-and-shoot camera and who is often accused of framing things in the center too much. The complete set is here if you'd like to browse. ...you get the week between Christmas and New Year's off work? I still have to check emails and respond to urgent ones, but it's likely few people will be in their offices to send me emails, so I'm looking forward to a Holy Week of Vegetation. ...it snows 8 inches? I may be alone in this, but I have to say, snow is an integral part of winter and I for one, am happy to see thick layers of sparkly whiteness covering foliage and fences in the yard. It's not so great for driving, but neither is bucket-dumping rain so I say, let it snow. ...shoveling your driveway is the most exercise you...

Not to be all bah humbuggy or anything, but I have to say December has been an exceptionally hard month and we haven't even made it to the extended family parts yet. My close family is the coolest collection of people I could ever hope to be a part of it's true, but the extended family can get a bit...contentious. I'm know for a fact I'm not alone in the feeling that Christmas and the holiday scene in general, is stressful. People are stressed this time of year and if you need any evidence of this, just try and tell me you've not noticed about 100x the amount of head-up-their-ass drivers on the road lately. For the most part, people suck at driving, it's true. But if there's been one little old lady driving 20 mph under the speed limit in the last week, there's been 52 of them in front of me and I don't even drive that much. But add to that an entire host of personal issues going on with my marriage, my job, and my mental health, and you've go...

I'm in the Minneapolis airport enjoying a Sam Adams and biding my time for leg numero dos of a three leg journey to Malta. STL to Minnesota to London Gatwick where we get our bags and re-check onto the Air Malta flight to our final destination. Sigh. And the only reason I can give this update is because I've forked over $9.95/month for the next three months for airport WIFI. Why did I buy this? Well, that's because when we landed, I tried to turn on my iPhone and when I switched from airplane mode to normal mode, it froze. And stayed frozen for an hour until I could get online and find out WTF was up and how the hell to reset the thing. Disaster narrowly averted, I tell you. I'm pretty sure my freak out would have been epic if my phone just up and died before I even left the country on a 9-day jaunt. It's not so much because I must be contact-able at all times. I was a late adopter of the cell phone and if I leave it at home for the day, it's not going...

Corn Dog did indeed try to kill me last night. She left her rubber chewy bone cleverly hidden on the stairs to the basement, about halfway down. You know how this ends, right? Yes, with me stepping squarely on the bone and slip sliding my way down half a flight of stairs. On my ass. And apparently on my wrist. My right wrist is super tender, sore and poppy now. As an old friend would say, Gooooooood Corn Dog. Tonight, Corn Dog has been faithfully barfing all over the house. First a nice liquid version over a shockingly large area of the rug in the family room and then a nice chunky version on the hard wood floor. Don't worry sister Jenn, she's just getting it out of her system before she comes to stay with you and her boyfriend Indy. Isn't that nice of her? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about leaving the dogs for another 10 days after just leaving them last week. It's not that I don't trust the people that are so kindly caring f...

While it's not quite as cool as blogging from the toilet , I am quite proud that I am typing this from my couch. I bought a wireless router, plugged it in, and like all of my experiences so far with the Beautiful Gleaming Laptop O'Mac, it just worked. And here I sit. Some wretchedly inane wedding dress reality show is on the TV. Oh wait, my legs aren't broken AND I have a remote. I guess that's the downside to couch writing. I haven't been much in the mood to write lately. Or, more accurately, I haven't been in the mood to do much at all lately. Except drink beer. The desire for the beer never wanes apparently. And if you're looking for a nice brown beer, I heartily suggest O'Dell's Levity Amber Ale . It's "Oh My!" good, I tell you. And the label seems so apropos: "Levity was named by our brewers partly for its light color - and partly for the way it just refuses to take itself too seriously. Hey, we could all use a litt...

...you look at the blog stats and even though you haven't posted in over two weeks, there's still some people checking the site? I'm impressed and humbled. Although it does appear as though a fair few of you are only here to see pictures of the John & Lorena Bobbit Halloween costume. (See what I did there? Search engine manipulation is FUN!) ...while looking at the blog stats, you check out what key words people are using to find the site and one of them is "pisschin". I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but some poor soul searched on it and ended up here. ...you have a personal crisis and your friends email, text and call to let you know they're there if you need to talk? I can hardly express my gratitude, even if I haven't taken many up on the offer. Just haven't had the desire to talk about it yet. But oh how I'll make you regret those words when I do. ...the underdog wins? I offer my heartfelt prayer to the baseball g...

View from my hotel room in Barcelona , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Sent from my iPhone

There is definitely a pattern around here. About two weeks before I leave town for a work trip, this place gets real, real quiet. The biggest reason for this that no matter how pretty and shiny this Mac looks, it's still a computer underneath and after playing at work for 50+ hours in front of a monitor, the last thing that excites me is sitting down in front of a computer. Stuff's been happening though and we've been busy here in Stinky Dog Land. For instance, did you know they sell clear wrapping paper? It's basically saran wrap and I ask the universe: WHY? Why oh why would anyone produce, package, market and sell clear wrapping paper? It defeats the entire purpose of wrapping paper. And why would anyone actually BUY clear wrapping paper? Well, I bought it thinking it was a silver foil type of wrapping paper because the buggers put some foil just around the cardboard tube so that it LOOKED like silver wrapping paper. I guess next time I'm going for the ...

...you spend an excruciatingly long week waiting for new debit cards and they finally arrive all shiny and new? That was seriously the longest week ever. ...the people that stole your stuff get caught red-handed? On camera in several locations (note to self: Taco Bell has cameras on the drive thru) and with the wallet, debit cards, credit card and $1200 cash from returning merchandise bought at Wal-IHateYouMart. ...the fancy Billabong wallet you bought Surfer Boy in Malta is recovered? He won't get it back until the prosecuting attorney releases it, but it isn't lost and that's good news. ...all the money they spent is returned to your accounts within the week? I'm pretty fucking happy about that one. ...you can finally concentrate on something else besides thievery?

Just when you think you're riding a high...life comes at you both barrels blazing. I'm still ril ril excited about the new technology parts, don't get me wrong. The iPhone is, how shall I put this?, fucking awesome. I haven't gotten my first bill yet. so there's still ample opportunity for AT&Torture to screw it up royally, but for real? There's just nothing like it out there. That I've seen. Shut up haters. And the Macbook, god love her. She's so pretty and clean. And boots up before you can say "Windows can suck it". And is just very un-Windowslike all around. So yeah, these technology parts are good for once. I'm not taking that for granted. But then I had to go and get some kind of sinus-y, stuffy, cold-y, move-to-my-lungs thingy on Saturday, only the nicest day of the year. And then Sunday, I got to remember what it's like to have hives in case I'd forgotten in the last blissfull month and a half without them. ...

I've gone and done it now. I am typing this entry on my shiny new Macbook. Just typing that sentence gives me goose bumps. I got it yesterday and since then, I've downloaded all of my music and photos and activated the iPhone. And everything has just worked. I plugged in the external hard drive and all of my stuff was there. I plugged in the ethernet cable and I had live tubes of Internet goodness. I plugged in my camera and poof - all my pictures were downloaded. I do have some issues though, coming from a PC world for so long. For instance, how exactly do you select all? I cannot figure it out. And what is "the finder"? It's in a lot of help question answers and I haven't a clue what it is. And I haven't yet figured out how to get my contacts from my old phone yet and having that before I start relying on this thing is pretty key. It's a pretty big deal for me to have bought this Bad Girl. I have a decision-making disorder when it comes...

...which means I steal lyrics, right? I heard that line in a 90's song (coincidentally, the one that I thought said "It's gettin, it's gettin, it's gettin kinda hectic" but I only now realize they're saying HEAVY, not hectic) and I can't figure out why you'd want to promote yourself as a lyrical thief. In other news, I've completely failed at maintaining the calm demeanor I worked so hard at cultivating during my voluntary solitude of just two short weeks ago. It promptly vanished like a fart in the wind upon my arrival at the office. I wonder if the Europeans have this problem after having been holidaying for two solid weeks in August. If any of you work with Europeans, you know that several companies pretty much clock out for the entire month - good luck getting an email reply or a returned phone call. Some get an entire MONTH off. Can you imagine? What does their inbox look like when they get back? I dread the thought considering I...

A co-worker of mine lives out in the country, in a neighboring county that is widely characterized by it's meth labs and backwoods-inspired attire of a majority of it's citizens. And I can see why she prefers it: a lake, a golf course, gated community to keep out the riff raff, that type of thing. But there are serious drawbacks, of which any one of them would be deal-breakers for me. Such as: The Commute: She drives easily 50 miles in traffic each way, every week day, through three counties. The Crazies: The crazy of the not-quite-rural-not-quite-urban folk should not be underestimated. Her interaction is generally limited to retail and restaurant encounters, and a common beginning to any of her stories is something along the lines of "When I stopped for gas the other day, this extra-creepy guy in a big truck ____________ (fill in the blank with something civilized people only do behind tightly shut and locked doors with the windows covered over with newspaper). Thi...

Dear Blog, I've been neglecting you and it's not okay. I feel terrible about it and there's just no excuse for it and I should be punished. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? I'm wholly committed to making this right and whatever you deem appropriate will be done without question or attitude. And you know how hard it is for me to leave out the attitude, that's really something, right? In my latest bout of indecision, I've still not removed the iPhone from it's package. That picture down there (that you had to look at for far too long, I agree) is still what it looks like, except that it's actually accumulated some dust from sitting on my dresser. I can't believe it either. I just can't decide whether to sell it or keep it. On one hand, it's a gadget-freak's dream and let's face it, it's slick. On the other hand, my computer, which would be required in order to sync it and get music on it from my iPod, likes to spit s...

I won this! , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .

It's raining here today. Good thing, too. Our yard was starting to look a bit parched. And by parched, I mean to say as dry as sandpaper and about the same consistency. To my father-in-law, Papa Surfer, rain is a novelty. His eyes were gleaming with excitement at the prospect of seeing rain while visiting us, as the place where he lives hasn't seen rain in 1.5 years. That's YEARS. I mean yeah, it's the desert and all, but holy hell. And another crazy part? Is the part where the desert from which he hails has over 120 golf courses. Fancy golf courses. And that area hasn't gotten rain in over a year and a half. The water waste that goes on to sustain those golf courses fries my eggs, frankly. Doesn't anyone else see the absurdity of golf courses in the desert? He says that in the summer, it's so hot there (he just left 112 F) that nobody in their right mind even plays golf during the summer. So they water all of those courses all summer long to ...

Tuesday is soccer night. Last week in a moment of drunken weakness, I said I'd play with another team tonight if they needed me. Well, they need me and it just so happens that their game is right before my own team's game. So back-to-backers. I give it about 15 minutes into the second game before my lungs revolt and go all code red on me. Surfer Boy's Dad will be in town for the next 10 days or so. They're talking like they're going to install an exterior door that will one day lead to our yet-to-be-purchased hot tub, and while I know they're both ridiculously handy and carpenterriffic, I just think there's going to be too much else going on for them to finish. I'm sorry to say this is a half-empty glass type of view since the last time Papa Surfer came out, they installed a new kitchen floor so there's absolutely no cause for me to be so pessimistic. Must be one of those days. Went to "The Lake" last weekend. I was beset with hives during ...