I Still Can't Believe It

...you look at the blog stats and even though you haven't posted in over two weeks, there's still some people checking the site? I'm impressed and humbled. Although it does appear as though a fair few of you are only here to see pictures of the John & Lorena Bobbit Halloween costume. (See what I did there? Search engine manipulation is FUN!) ...while looking at the blog stats, you check out what key words people are using to find the site and one of them is "pisschin". I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but some poor soul searched on it and ended up here. ...you have a personal crisis and your friends email, text and call to let you know they're there if you need to talk? I can hardly express my gratitude, even if I haven't taken many up on the offer. Just haven't had the desire to talk about it yet. But oh how I'll make you regret those words when I do. ...the underdog wins? I offer my heartfelt prayer to the baseball g...

View from my hotel room in Barcelona , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Sent from my iPhone

There is definitely a pattern around here. About two weeks before I leave town for a work trip, this place gets real, real quiet. The biggest reason for this that no matter how pretty and shiny this Mac looks, it's still a computer underneath and after playing at work for 50+ hours in front of a monitor, the last thing that excites me is sitting down in front of a computer. Stuff's been happening though and we've been busy here in Stinky Dog Land. For instance, did you know they sell clear wrapping paper? It's basically saran wrap and I ask the universe: WHY? Why oh why would anyone produce, package, market and sell clear wrapping paper? It defeats the entire purpose of wrapping paper. And why would anyone actually BUY clear wrapping paper? Well, I bought it thinking it was a silver foil type of wrapping paper because the buggers put some foil just around the cardboard tube so that it LOOKED like silver wrapping paper. I guess next time I'm going for the ...

...you spend an excruciatingly long week waiting for new debit cards and they finally arrive all shiny and new? That was seriously the longest week ever. ...the people that stole your stuff get caught red-handed? On camera in several locations (note to self: Taco Bell has cameras on the drive thru) and with the wallet, debit cards, credit card and $1200 cash from returning merchandise bought at Wal-IHateYouMart. ...the fancy Billabong wallet you bought Surfer Boy in Malta is recovered? He won't get it back until the prosecuting attorney releases it, but it isn't lost and that's good news. ...all the money they spent is returned to your accounts within the week? I'm pretty fucking happy about that one. ...you can finally concentrate on something else besides thievery?

Just when you think you're riding a high...life comes at you both barrels blazing. I'm still ril ril excited about the new technology parts, don't get me wrong. The iPhone is, how shall I put this?, fucking awesome. I haven't gotten my first bill yet. so there's still ample opportunity for AT&Torture to screw it up royally, but for real? There's just nothing like it out there. That I've seen. Shut up haters. And the Macbook, god love her. She's so pretty and clean. And boots up before you can say "Windows can suck it". And is just very un-Windowslike all around. So yeah, these technology parts are good for once. I'm not taking that for granted. But then I had to go and get some kind of sinus-y, stuffy, cold-y, move-to-my-lungs thingy on Saturday, only the nicest day of the year. And then Sunday, I got to remember what it's like to have hives in case I'd forgotten in the last blissfull month and a half without them. ...

I've gone and done it now. I am typing this entry on my shiny new Macbook. Just typing that sentence gives me goose bumps. I got it yesterday and since then, I've downloaded all of my music and photos and activated the iPhone. And everything has just worked. I plugged in the external hard drive and all of my stuff was there. I plugged in the ethernet cable and I had live tubes of Internet goodness. I plugged in my camera and poof - all my pictures were downloaded. I do have some issues though, coming from a PC world for so long. For instance, how exactly do you select all? I cannot figure it out. And what is "the finder"? It's in a lot of help question answers and I haven't a clue what it is. And I haven't yet figured out how to get my contacts from my old phone yet and having that before I start relying on this thing is pretty key. It's a pretty big deal for me to have bought this Bad Girl. I have a decision-making disorder when it comes...

...which means I steal lyrics, right? I heard that line in a 90's song (coincidentally, the one that I thought said "It's gettin, it's gettin, it's gettin kinda hectic" but I only now realize they're saying HEAVY, not hectic) and I can't figure out why you'd want to promote yourself as a lyrical thief. In other news, I've completely failed at maintaining the calm demeanor I worked so hard at cultivating during my voluntary solitude of just two short weeks ago. It promptly vanished like a fart in the wind upon my arrival at the office. I wonder if the Europeans have this problem after having been holidaying for two solid weeks in August. If any of you work with Europeans, you know that several companies pretty much clock out for the entire month - good luck getting an email reply or a returned phone call. Some get an entire MONTH off. Can you imagine? What does their inbox look like when they get back? I dread the thought considering I...

A co-worker of mine lives out in the country, in a neighboring county that is widely characterized by it's meth labs and backwoods-inspired attire of a majority of it's citizens. And I can see why she prefers it: a lake, a golf course, gated community to keep out the riff raff, that type of thing. But there are serious drawbacks, of which any one of them would be deal-breakers for me. Such as: The Commute: She drives easily 50 miles in traffic each way, every week day, through three counties. The Crazies: The crazy of the not-quite-rural-not-quite-urban folk should not be underestimated. Her interaction is generally limited to retail and restaurant encounters, and a common beginning to any of her stories is something along the lines of "When I stopped for gas the other day, this extra-creepy guy in a big truck ____________ (fill in the blank with something civilized people only do behind tightly shut and locked doors with the windows covered over with newspaper). Thi...

Dear Blog, I've been neglecting you and it's not okay. I feel terrible about it and there's just no excuse for it and I should be punished. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? I'm wholly committed to making this right and whatever you deem appropriate will be done without question or attitude. And you know how hard it is for me to leave out the attitude, that's really something, right? In my latest bout of indecision, I've still not removed the iPhone from it's package. That picture down there (that you had to look at for far too long, I agree) is still what it looks like, except that it's actually accumulated some dust from sitting on my dresser. I can't believe it either. I just can't decide whether to sell it or keep it. On one hand, it's a gadget-freak's dream and let's face it, it's slick. On the other hand, my computer, which would be required in order to sync it and get music on it from my iPod, likes to spit s...

I won this! , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .

It's raining here today. Good thing, too. Our yard was starting to look a bit parched. And by parched, I mean to say as dry as sandpaper and about the same consistency. To my father-in-law, Papa Surfer, rain is a novelty. His eyes were gleaming with excitement at the prospect of seeing rain while visiting us, as the place where he lives hasn't seen rain in 1.5 years. That's YEARS. I mean yeah, it's the desert and all, but holy hell. And another crazy part? Is the part where the desert from which he hails has over 120 golf courses. Fancy golf courses. And that area hasn't gotten rain in over a year and a half. The water waste that goes on to sustain those golf courses fries my eggs, frankly. Doesn't anyone else see the absurdity of golf courses in the desert? He says that in the summer, it's so hot there (he just left 112 F) that nobody in their right mind even plays golf during the summer. So they water all of those courses all summer long to ...

Tuesday is soccer night. Last week in a moment of drunken weakness, I said I'd play with another team tonight if they needed me. Well, they need me and it just so happens that their game is right before my own team's game. So back-to-backers. I give it about 15 minutes into the second game before my lungs revolt and go all code red on me. Surfer Boy's Dad will be in town for the next 10 days or so. They're talking like they're going to install an exterior door that will one day lead to our yet-to-be-purchased hot tub, and while I know they're both ridiculously handy and carpenterriffic, I just think there's going to be too much else going on for them to finish. I'm sorry to say this is a half-empty glass type of view since the last time Papa Surfer came out, they installed a new kitchen floor so there's absolutely no cause for me to be so pessimistic. Must be one of those days. Went to "The Lake" last weekend. I was beset with hives during ...

..."She's a Brick....HOUSE" plays on the radio? I know I sure do. One of my birthday cards from this year played that song. Also? Surfer Boy sang that song on stage in Colorado in one of his drunker moments. He wishes I'd forget that tidbit. ...you're trying to water the flowers, but the dog keeps standing right in front of the hose stream? Corn Dog was a wee bit hot yesterday and just wanted to be hosed down for a good five minutes. The flowers got nary a drop of life-sustaining water until Corn Dog was properly cooled down. ...the forecast for the weekend you're going to the lake is absolutely perfect? Hot enough to swim, but not so hot the lake will feel like bath water. ...the reason you can go to the lake is that your sweet, adorable cousin is watching the dogs? God love her. I hope they don't freak on her cats. ...the new Harry Potter movie is released? It's a bit slow-starting in my opinion, but once it got the momentum going, it was ...

Having Wednesday off was more than my feeble mind could handle apparently as I've been thinking it's Tuesday all day. What movie is this from? "I've got two words for you: Therapy." I can't for the life of me remember. Wedding Singer? A pint of Spicy Calamari Juice Cocktail to the winner of Name That Film Quote". So, I've said here before that this bloggy is an outlet for me. Other outlets include: therapist visits twice a month, soccer every Tuesday, and randomly beating my dogs*. Lately though, it seems that these outlets are insufficient for stress reduction as I've now broken out into hives three times in the last month. The first time was at the Piney. Yes, that bastion of peaceful observation of nature and drunken idiots does move the needle on the stressometer a bit because of the proliferation of poison ivy and my straight-up OCD aversion to getting it. I always carry anti-bacterial gel around with me the entire time I'm there...

"Shoulda known better than to cheat a friend, waste this chance that I've been given. Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool." I didn't karaoke with the mic or anything, but I was singing at the top of my lungs right along with the person that picked that song. I might have had a drink or ten by that point. This was in the bowling alley after I finished winning $20 off Surfer Boy for beating him two games in a row. He still owes me $10. The worst part is that fully two days later, that stupid song is still stuck in my head. Let me assure you: Careless Whisper is NOT a song you want stuck in your head for that long. This week has a lot going on. Not only will I be celebrating the birth of 'Merica on Wednesday with a good likelihood of second degree burns, but it's also me Mum's birthday on Tuesday. I'm going to the Cardinal game tonight and Wednesday night and playing racquetball in place of soccer tomorrow. I envision Th...

At least, not internationally, until October. Even if I wanted to I couldn't, since my passport is now officially full. This last trip cluttered it up with four stamps in London and two stamps from Malta, plus the one re-entry stamp in DC. I only had three empty spots before I left. I'm pretty damn glad to have this travel hiatus. The first half of this year has been pretty ridiculous with the amount of traveling - I didn't even unpack my toiletry kit between the last two trips and I found that a little depressing. Of course, I haven't yet unpacked the stupid toiletry kit yet from this trip, so maybe I was just depressed because of the sheer invincibility of my laziness. So now I must get caught up on all of the shit I've put off and delayed for the last six months. Namely, taxes and bills, but there's other stuff I've let slide - like staying in touch (and therefore on the good side) with my inlaws. I'd say I haven't been doing a very good jo...

Malta is.... , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Well, just see for yourself. This is the view from my hotel balcony.

Can you read the t-shirt? , originally uploaded by Corn Dog . i've been wanting to do a proper post to announce to the world (or better yet, all 4 readers that don't know) that I'm an aunt for the first time. This isn't that post. This is me bored out of my skull after sitting in this plane for the last 2.5 hours. Oh, and not actually flying. Nope. Just sitting here at my favourite airport in the whole, wide world. Fucking o'hare. But look! Look at the wee baby fingers! Look at the funny t-shirt! I'm so proud of my bro and his wife - congratulations! Would y'all care if this blog became all nephew pictures, all the time?

Surfer Boy has this list of things he says to me before I leave for my soccer game every Tuesday night. "Good luck baby. Have a good game. Don't hurt yourself. No bruises." Last night, he didn't go through the routine, so I'm totally blaming him for what happened. Stupid ball deflected, or was kicked, by my goalie, right into the bottom of my chin on the left side. It wasn't on purpose of course, she was just trying to block a really hard shot on goal - my face just happened to be only five feet away from her foot, so I had .00000004 seconds to react. Blam. The pain in my jaw made my eyes water, but the real fun started when I tried to close my jaw and couldn't bite down right at ALL. The jaw was totally displaced to the right and forward and no amount of trying was making my molars touch. And that was when panic set in. The thoughts as I remember them in order: Wow that hurts I can't freaking close my jaw- AHHHHH! How will I eat? I'm goin...

Two Mojitos S'il Vous Plait , originally uploaded by Corn Dog .