I Still Can't Believe It

I think I'm finally ready to tackle another stained glass project. Got any ideas? It's taken me a while to get the nerve to do another piece. The Van Gogh Starry Night rip-off was a hella big undertaking for as little experience with stained glass as I have. And then I had to go and break it. Yeah. I had finished the piece about 2 months prior to the "incident", but was waiting to present it to Big Thirsty and his wife (Big Thirsty's Wife she shall be called forever after) until the custom frame was done. I'd pretty much given up on Dirty Gravy (I hereby designate this name for mi esposo) finishing the frame until Old Dirty Gravy (that'd be my father-in-law) came to town and saved the day. So, here I was - all proud of finishing it and having an awesome frame in which to beset my work, so clearly I had to show it off. Setting: Kitchen. Players: Dirty Gravy and Me. I was holding the glass and set the frame on top of it - it was the glass' first ...

Yeah, yeah, the quality of the images suck - my monstrosity of a digital camera only has a lousy 1.2 megapixels. Hey, they sold me on the floppy disk storage option. And yes, that's quite likely the most embarassing thing I've said on this blog so far. Don't squint now, here it is up close and personal...

Busch Haiku Just a stadium Hate to be sentimental But the memories

feminine product halloween 04 Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . The first time we went to the local watering holes' Halloween contest fest (that'd be the Old Millstream), we won third place with our John and Lorena Bobbit getups. I think the bloody sausage in a jar prop really sealed the deal. And the next year, we knew we had peaked too soon because we couldn't come up with shit for ideas and ended up going as a psycho clown and a hippie or something equally inane. But last year we really thought we had a winner costume idea for a couple. Dave went as a maxi pad and I was a tampon. Have you ever seen costumes of feminine hygiene products before? Maybe I don't get out enough, but I never had. I was seriously convinced we'd win third again, at the very least. But alas, no reward was forthcoming because the contest was inexplicably not decided by the powers that be (Troy). There were no winners, but I guess that means there were no losers either. Screw that....

daveanddadatbusch2 Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I've never been to a Cardinals postseason game. And for some reason, I'm a little ashamed that I'm not that sad about it. It's not that I'm a so-so or fairweather fan - I probably watched 142 of the 160 games this season on TV and went to three games at Busch. Hold on...GO CARDS...had to get that out there real quick. But like I was saying, I can't imagine the atmosphere at a postseason game - it's got to be amazing. I guess it's one of those things where I'm happy just being one of the masses. There's a lot of Cardinals fans around the country and around the world and there's only so many seats in the stadium. I like watching postseason games on TV so I can: viciously berate the ESPN (Extra-Special Panty-wearing Nutjobs) commentators laugh, cry, scream, cheer, nailbite and exasperate in the comfort of my own home and not in front of 50,000 not pay $8.00 a beer!!!! not drive 45 min. there a...

Hot Socks Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Some things make me happy by reminding me of my youth. These socks make me inordinately happy when I see them in my jumbled sock drawer, sticking out from among the sea of white. I remember wearing these socks in sixth grade. Aside from the simple miracle it took to keep both socks together over the last twenty years, they remind me of a time before I worried about meaningless shit. I didn't worry about anything in sixth grade except would we win our soccer game and who would be my friend, Becky or Melissa. You know those friends - the ones that wrote the notes that said: Do you like me or Melissa better? cirle one Becky Melissa What is your favorite animal? ___Tiger___________

richie.nicole Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I read once that actors/acresses with disproportionately large heads do well in show business and ever since then, I've noticed it in many celebrities. In most cases, it's a hairdo or tiny body that accentuates it. Here is poor Nicole Richie, photo courtesy of EOnline.com. This picture not only gives us proof of the Big Head Syndrome, but also provides us with a glimpse at how humans might look if our heads were put on our bodies backwards. If it wasn't for her jutting collar bone, I'd swear she was pulling a Linda Blair.

Hermie Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I don't think Corn Dog has met Hermie yet. Hermie and Corn Dog are kind of similar in that neither of them get out much. Not sure why Hermie doesn't get out much, but I know why Corn Dog doesn't: I'm too lazy to train her properly to not be a complete SPAZ. It's a terrible excuse and I resolve today that I will do more to socialize and train Corn Dog to be less spaztastic in public. She deserves to get out and play with strange dogs and sniff weird stuff.

flower Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . No, I don't have rabies. But it was a close call. Actually I learned quite a lot about rabies the other day when a devious little squirrel decided to jump the gap between a building and a telephone pole right as I was walking between them. He/she landed on my stomach and I made a noise that I can only liken to a cross between an "Ooomph" and a "GAH!". Of course, I scared the bejesus out of the critter and I can assure you the feeling was mutual. He kicked a bit and bounced off of me, but not before he laid down three little scratches on the back of my hand. The nurseline nurse said squirrels are low-threat rabies carriers and you're more likely to get rabies from dogs, cats, cows, skunks, bats and raccoons. You can get it from squirrels, but it's pretty rare. PSA: So the next time you're walking in the vicinity of crazed squirrels, don't let them bite you, cuz you could just end up with a case of...

On the off-chance a single person in the world finds this blog and doesn't know how or where they can help out those victimized by the Gulf Coast disaster, here is a link of sites taking donations and providing other assistance: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/katrina/help.center/ Please do whatever you can - even though it's cliche, every little bit does help.

to help out. Beyond everything that I could say about the disaster response (or total lack thereof), I just want to say out loud that I want to help. I don't want to focus on why this or that didn't get done or that a small number of people are taking advantage of the dire situation - people, we need to focus on getting everyone out of there RIGHT NOW. This may go down as one of the worst disaster response debacles of all time, but we can play the blame game later. How can anyone watch even a few minutes of the news coverage and not feel the primal urge to go to them and try to help them? I think it's a part of our humanity that makes the empathy vibe so strong in a situation like this. Maybe one of the best parts of our humanity. So, this is a call to myself (and all zero of my readers) to activate and do whatever you can in whatever capacity you have to help these people out.

I'd like to take just a moment to appreciate what my friend Kim and her husband Mike have done: they've just welcomed three of the teeniest, most tenacious, and miraculous humans to Earth. At only 26 weeks gestation, Lily, Ethan and Jack are smaller than some of the lint balls I've seen my husband pull out of his belly button, but they're here by God and they're making their mark already. Kim, Mike - I have just this to say: You guys have handled everything about this situation and these wee ones like fucking champs. When you think about the physical pain Kim is in, the intense frustration of dealing with doctors and the feeling of helplessness it creates, keeping Monster (that'd be their 5-year old) occupied and feeling loved, and the stress of updating everyone and their dog about the babies' health and status - it's just too much to think about. And yet, I haven't seen or heard either of you complain or whine or dive into the deep abyss of self-pi...

my happy place Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . For those instances when I'm feeling sorry for myself or thinking I've got it rough...proof that I've actually been to my happy place in person.

Tulum sur la Mer Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . More from Tulum last year...this one has that amazing (ok, fake-looking) blue color to the ocean. I did not touch up this photo. Man, I need more than 1.2 megapixels!!!!! Can't afford a new digital though and I can't find my film camera. Phuck!

Tulum Doorway Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . I wish the actual blue color of the ocean came out in this picture - this will be my goal for next week: to take pictures that show the true colors of Mexico's Mayan Riviera. That, and not letting anything ruin my good time...when you travel with family there's always that chance that we'll revert to our pre-puberty selves and start slapping and pinching and saying mean things. On Wednesday, I was on a flight from Philadelphia and there was a family that consisted of Mom & Dad and like 8 kids ranging in age from just popped out to maybe twelve. When I saw that they were going to be on the flight, I tried not to think it was going to be a long one. Then, once we're aloft, the kids start passing candy between them - a lot of candy. I personally witnessed the transferrance of gummy bears, bubble gum, licorice and maybe something chocolatey in the first five minutes of the flight. I kept trying to hope for the best ...

try to not blow things out of proportion. And try to remember how good I've got it. I could be my friend Kim who - in the best case scenario - will be spending the next 6 weeks in the hospital while they fill her full of drugs and poke and prod her with needles in order to delay the imminent arrival of triplets. Six weeks? Man, I don't know how she's gonna do it. Somebody get that girl a laptop and a wireless connection.

I'm trying to alter my eating habits to go from two big meals a day to more like 5 small meals a day. It's not going so well. I feel like I'm always hungry and then on the weekend, I completely fold...the willpower is just gone on the weekends. I even stopped writing down what I was eating this weekend because it got so bad. The snacking. Oh how I love thee crunchy pretzels...

Clean-shaven Cleo Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . We miss you Cleo and SecretAgent009! Hope you're feeling better finally. It's been weeks since Cleo and SA009 have visited us...I hope there's no hard feelings because of a vicious cut 009 received whilst working with Gravid. Can we ply you with homegrown salsa? We have a little container just for you and Fred all set aside.

Big Piney Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Thank you to everyone that came to the Piney last weekend. The motley crew managed to pack in a heavy amount of drinking, smoking and general zaniness and Kim & Mike weren't even there! We missed you guys though. Let's see...who was there: Anna, Shannon, Matt (of April & Matt but April went on a different float that traitor), Aaron, The Drunk Monk, Christian the Pisschin, Josh & Bert, Marty & Meeghan, Bischof, Andy & Jamie (all the way from A-T-L-A-N-T-A - the first to ever fly to MO just for the Piney), Joy & Jeff (I count them as they were on the float trip but nothing else), Aaron & Steve (fucking maniacs - they were also only on the float and thank the Capital G-od for that), Ryan & Sister Jenn, Blood, JDPimp and myself and Dave. Oh and don't forget Cassady, Corn Dog, Cleo, Jasmine, Indy & Bo of the canine-variety friends. We still have people shitting in the river though and that's...

From The London News Review: What the fuck do you think you're doing? This is London. We've dealt with your sort before. You don't try and pull this on us. Do you have any idea how many times our city has been attacked? Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work. All you've done is end some of our lives, and ruin some more. How is that going to help you? You don't get rewarded for this kind of crap. And if, as your MO indicates, you're an al-Qaeda group, then you're out of your tiny minds. Because if this is a message to Tony Blair, we've got news for you. We don't much like our government ourselves, or what they do in our name. But, listen very clearly. We'll deal with that ourselves. We're London, and we've got our own way of doing things, and it doesn't involve tossing bombs around where innocent people are going about their lives. And that's because we're better than you. Everyone is better than you. Our...