Full of Holiday....I Wouldn't Call it Spirit Necessarily.

Piss & vinegar? Shit? Just what am I full of at the holidays? Well, I'm full of reminders and to-dos, like:
  • buy gifts for lovely family
  • wrap gifts for awesome family
  • mail gifts to kick-ass family that live out of state
  • hang lights on exterior of our humble abode
  • decorate the fabulous fake fir tree (ok, ok, so it's more like an unintentionally hilarious 21st century Charlie Brown-style tree
  • send Christmas cards to stunningly beautiful family and friends

Now that the jolly holly-day is less than a week away, I'm basking in the glow of the friendliness of strangers and whittling away my time doing good deeds and keeping up with the laundry. Right? [cue crazy insane cackling laughter]

The above to-do list now looks something like this:

  • get something for Mom. try as hard as possible to remember the 400,242 awesome gift ideas i've had for her throughout the year.
  • Ask Surfer Boy to wrap all gifts.
  • Call kick-ass out of state family members to wish them a Merry Christmas and give them the estimated January date for arrival of their gifts.
  • Fuck the exterior lights. It's the holiday spirit on the INSIDE of the house that matters most.
  • DECORATE TREE TOMORROW FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GLITTERY
  • Finish addressing, signing, affixing postage and sealing cards. Something tells me this may be going the way of the exterior lights...

I keep telling myself that I really do like the holidays but there's just a lot to do and that's why I'm all Bah Humbuggy most of the time. I'm starting to wonder if it's more a case of me being a grumpy assbag that causes the general malaise. It's not like I don't think about it every time I see a monkey-shaped notepad I think my sister-in-law would like or ooh! those earrings would look great on my Mom. Because I do. I just never buy anything because I think "gee, it's nowhere near Christmas and if I know myself, I'll buy this, put it somewhere and promptly forget all about it until December 27th". So I end up here. Whining about it to nobody in particular and having no one to blame but myself. Which then begins the Cycle of Self-Deprecation and grumpy assbaggery ensues.

There's another thing that happens during the Holiday Season that might come into play here too: I become overly-sensitive. An old guy sitting alone on one of those benches in the mall? Makes me cry. I picture him having lost his wife of 46 years last June and not knowing what to do with himself and how he is dreading spending the holidays alone. Texting/emailing with friends I won't see for the holidays? Gets me all teary-eyed and sniffly. Why do I think these things about people I don't know or situations I can't control? I don't get all weepy about this stuff any other time of the year. So when I go to type a nice little holiday greeting on the blog? I end up with a long-winded, narcissistic, and clearly cranky post. I didn't mean to! I had funny ideas on how to tell y'all I suck at this holiday shite! And witty ideas on how to say I love everyone and I really do care about you and not just now but all year!

Those witticisms are gone now. As are the four minutes of your life you took to read this. And for that, I thank you. I hope you guys get what I'm trying to say - as awkward as I've tried to make it for everyone.

Merry Christmas. Huggy huggy and kissy kissy. I love you.

Comments

Life said…
i understand about the old man sitting on the bench and the rest isn't real assbaggery. i'm with you on the not buying presents mid-year because i'll find them on st. patrick's day. i went to toys r us today to get one more thing for caleb but decided i hate them and their stupid return policies. bah. next year, i'm carving all the kids' toys out of fallen branches from our backyard.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
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