I Still Can't Believe It

if you show me yours Originally uploaded by Corn Dog . Ok Kim , I'll play along. And just for the record, you caught me at a low point of cleaning out my purse. It's been a while, as you might have guessed by the looks of it. Click on the picture to go to Flickr and see the notes explaining what the various shit is.

I just got a text message that read "I just sharted for the first time in my life" Of course, my reply is simple to infer "TMI! I'm eating over here!" The reply to the reply..."Twas a short shart" Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

The only evidence I have is last night's episode of Project Runway (well, that and some of those outfits she wears....the hell?). If you don't watch Project Runway avert your eyes, put your blinders on or whatever you do to ignore the best reality show on the telly. And also? Even if you hate fashion shows or whatever, Heidi Klum is freaking hawt. H-O-Double-T hot I tell you. Sometimes her voice gets this really tinny and annoying sound to it (cue that laugh from one of the commercials for the show, egads), but her accent is awesome and she's just too damn sexy. No one should get to be that sexy. How she doesn't have 823 stalkers, I'll never understand. First, I have to profess my love and devotion to Michael Knight. What David Hasselhoff lacked in style clearly ended up in the genes of his Knight Rider namesake. This guy rocks and I am not surprised in the least that he won two challenges in a row. I think he should have won the first challenge as well - I mean co...

Here's quite possibly my favorite music video of all time:

The scene: Main Street - a tourist haven with some offices mixed in, old-school brick street, gas lamplight, the whole bit. My office is on the second floor and has a balcony overlooking the street. Some coworkers and I go out there to smoke. Act 1: A white car is driving by. The driver is playing with something and as the car passes right in front of us, we see what the driver is playing with. His dick. A dude drove down a busy street in broad daylight spanking his monkey. Act 2: Cue flabbergastation. The first thought is "I did NOT just see that". Second thought is "Did Cute Cousin Coworker see that too?" We look at each other with our mouths agape. Eye-witness status confirmed - I have someone to back up my story. Act 3: Tell the other co-workers. They are aghast, but oddly, not as surprised as I expect. One tells me she saw that a couple of times when she worked a McDonald's drive-thru. As in, people would pull up to the window as they're pul...

Ha! I've outed her. Sunday was not only the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima, but was also my BFF's birthday - an equally explosive event, I can tell you that. Proof: And here it was, Anna's birthday and SHE gave ME a gift! She just recently returned from a sojourn to jolly England - London to be exact. And she brought me back something that will change my life: My allegiance is set. Mighty Mighty Liverpool! Now that I have the scarf, will they teach me the naughty chants? Fuck propriety and all that, I want to know the dirty bits.

...you come home with a good buzz and a satiated appetite to discover your air conditioner is seriously on the fritz? So on the fritz, you're afraid it might be ready to "throw a rod" or some other such technical jargon that basically means "you're screwed". ...there's a song on the CD that you love so much, you hardly even hear the songs leading up to it, if you don't skip them in the first place? There's probably some great songs leading up to #4, but I'll never know it because the excitement for #4 is too overpowering to consider waiting another 2.5 minutes to hear it. And if I do listen to it, I'm constantly thinking of #4 anyway and paying zero attention. They could replace their keyboards with a monkey making fart noises and would I notice? Nah, probably not. ...your dog wakes you up at 7 am making the sound that says "I'm puking imminently" and then proceeds to pause and charf at every piece of carpet in the house alo...

In the interest of having the most complete list of my obsessions, I went on a mind quest in the Armenian hillside and pondered my love for all things dorky. To wit: Movies (in no particular order) The Outsiders. I made my brothers watch this movie no less than 100 times in one summer. Stand By Me. Ditto True Romance. I went so far as to have a song from the movie in my wedding. Judge me if you will, but I still like that song. The Princess Bride. Anybody want a peanut? And..... a song from this movie was in my wedding. Amadeus. Strangely, no song from this movie in the wedding. Harry Potter. What can I say? I'd love to be a real witch. Here is where I might put Lord of the Rings. But, I am not putting it on my list because of the agregious offense of the hollywoodization of the story. I tried to convince myself it was ok because it was some sort of artistic license, but it was just too cheesy. I can't overcome the cheesy. Albums (wouldn't dare put these in...