Magnetic Philosophy

I have a lot of magnets on my refrigerator and I've only just noticed how varied their messages are. Some examples of magnetic philosophy from my refrigerator:

  • "If it smells good, eat it!" On the surface, this seems like well-thought out advice. But when peering deeper into the meaning and with the added knowledge that this magnet is one of those close-up, disproportionate angle pictures of a dog, I start to get suspicious. They say dogs have this intense sense of smell, but have you seen some of the things dogs will try to eat? I rest my case.
  • "Lovely day for a Guinness" I defy you to find a day that would not be a fine day for a Guinness.
  • "Hooray Beer!" This simple philosophical statement could seem like the above Guinness motto, but this one goes deeper I think. It's all encompassing in it's love for beer, not singling out any one flavor (although it is a Red Stripe magnet) and I appreciate that willingness to embrace all kinds.
  • "I love the bitch in you" Who doesn't? I mean yeah, the bitch in me can be annoying, but for the most part, I'd be lost without her.
  • "I'm Dead" As seen on an Elvis magnet. This one is profound. Especially if you can find one of those people that believe he's still alive. Or that any of us are really alive and not just living in the dreams of aliens or some such. Yes, very profound, that one.
  • "Don't let success go to your head or failure go to your heart" Gag me. I mean, the underlying principles are sound, but it's on a Mary Englebreit magnet, so it's all frilly and country and what have you so I'm immediately turned off by it. Thanks Mother in Law for the worst philosophical/artful abomination on my fridge. It's on the side no one looks at, but I know it's there...taunting me.
  • "Fat is where it's at" This magnet is missing the little fat guy's head and is made from some rubber-y type of material that looks like it's about 50 years old. And that would be because it is. It came from my Grandma's fridge along with the magnet that proudly claims "Grin! It makes people wonder what you're up to". You'll have to draw your own conclusions on these philosophies. I've had years to think on it and they still baffle me as to what they're REALLY trying to tell me.
  • "He who knows patience knows peace" Chinese proverb on a Celestial Seasonings magnet. It makes me a little sad that great Chinese proverbs are relegated to the side of tea boxes. It's a sound philosophy, but one I struggle with daily.
Thus ends our magnetic philosophy lesson for today. I hope you've learned how vastly different magnets can be and how important it is to think for yourself and don't just trust any old magnet to have the key to your happiness.

Comments

Unknown said…
That was a hilarious post, Dawners. I especially love the Introduction and the Conclusion. Mrs. Snippington (or whatever your 7th-grade English teacher's name was) would definitely be VERY proud of you. I know I am.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Life said…
the elvis is dead magnet was originally a sticker i purchased on haight street at a random head shop specifically for your ex pink toilet. glad to make the contribution especially since you've given me so many awesome magnets from around ze globe.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
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