The Dominoes of Change
It was once suggested to me that when one makes a significant change in their life, it can cause a domino effect and other massive and unintended or unforeseen changes are the result. In last week's visit to my therapist, I went on record with my disdain for the theory and the way my life in the past two years has proven it out.
I started seeing this therapist, who I fondly refer to as The Poodle (short for Therapoodle), a few years ago now and the impetus was a pervasive feeling of unhappiness. I didn't want to come home from work but I didn't want to be at work either. When I got home, all of the things I'd wanted to do when I got there would go undone because I just couldn't find the motivation. I was anxious about traveling for work, anxious about wanting to have kids or not, anxious about my future with Surfer Boy. Anxiety and malaise characterized my life and I had that dreaded feeling that my life was slipping away while I sat and watched.
In the course of the ensuing two years, I made decisions. I made hard decisions. Undoubtedly, the hardest was the decision to get a divorce. The vast consequences of that decision have permeated every single aspect of my life. And as the Domino Theory indicates, there have been a rash of additional Extraordinarily Hard Decisions to make. In just the last six months, I've finalized the divorce, I've had to make the odious decision to put my dog to sleep and I've had to decide my course of action in my career. I would say I'm 2 for 3 on those...the first two I feel like I made the right choices. The latter, definitely did NOT make the right choice.
Those are just the big changes. I'm pretty sure the sum of the small changes is far greater in the overall picture, but the big changes - the ones that stand out like a third nipple - those are the ones I keep getting stuck on. I'm partnerless, down a dog and shortly, unemployed. Those are all pretty big, right?
To be perfectly frank, I'm utterly exhausted, emotionally and mentally, at the worst possible time. If I was a celebrity, I could admit myself somewhere for "exhaustion" - I guess I could do it as myself if it wasn't for the impending loss of health insurance. Which also means the impending loss of The Poodle at the worst possible time. I'm now looking at this medium as the poor person's therapy and lord knows I'll have some time on my hands to use it as such. And for now, the goal of venting here will be to rediscover some wit and have some fun with it. I'm a gold-medalist when it comes to venting (it's a sport in the summer Olympics) and if I'm to get any enjoyment from this life, I must vent. Be ye warned.
I started seeing this therapist, who I fondly refer to as The Poodle (short for Therapoodle), a few years ago now and the impetus was a pervasive feeling of unhappiness. I didn't want to come home from work but I didn't want to be at work either. When I got home, all of the things I'd wanted to do when I got there would go undone because I just couldn't find the motivation. I was anxious about traveling for work, anxious about wanting to have kids or not, anxious about my future with Surfer Boy. Anxiety and malaise characterized my life and I had that dreaded feeling that my life was slipping away while I sat and watched.
In the course of the ensuing two years, I made decisions. I made hard decisions. Undoubtedly, the hardest was the decision to get a divorce. The vast consequences of that decision have permeated every single aspect of my life. And as the Domino Theory indicates, there have been a rash of additional Extraordinarily Hard Decisions to make. In just the last six months, I've finalized the divorce, I've had to make the odious decision to put my dog to sleep and I've had to decide my course of action in my career. I would say I'm 2 for 3 on those...the first two I feel like I made the right choices. The latter, definitely did NOT make the right choice.
Those are just the big changes. I'm pretty sure the sum of the small changes is far greater in the overall picture, but the big changes - the ones that stand out like a third nipple - those are the ones I keep getting stuck on. I'm partnerless, down a dog and shortly, unemployed. Those are all pretty big, right?
To be perfectly frank, I'm utterly exhausted, emotionally and mentally, at the worst possible time. If I was a celebrity, I could admit myself somewhere for "exhaustion" - I guess I could do it as myself if it wasn't for the impending loss of health insurance. Which also means the impending loss of The Poodle at the worst possible time. I'm now looking at this medium as the poor person's therapy and lord knows I'll have some time on my hands to use it as such. And for now, the goal of venting here will be to rediscover some wit and have some fun with it. I'm a gold-medalist when it comes to venting (it's a sport in the summer Olympics) and if I'm to get any enjoyment from this life, I must vent. Be ye warned.
Comments